today was one of those days where you have this assignment due and you don't want it to happen so badly that you just wish you could whither away or run away or something.
that being: the great french debate. a debate in purely french on the laïcité in france that became a law in 1905. i was for it. so we had to sit in front of the class for, oh, fifteen minutes and go back and forth about why we were right and they were wrong. but oh the relief, the sweet relief you feel when, having finished, you stand up, sit down with shaky legs, and realize you don't have to do that again ever. 
best feeling in the world.
i rewarded myself by doing nothing of importance for the rest of the day. not the best use of my time but my brain turned to mush afterwards. my sleep schedule has been ca-aaa-aaarazy. i've been absolutely incapable of falling asleep at a normal time (i blame netflix) and the past few days would find myself not being able to fall asleep until seven or eight am. on sunday i woke up at 8. PM. the weirdest feeling in the world.
i've been talking to myself more and more lately. a sure sign of my impending insanity. i just wish there were someone i could share all these reflections and feelings with. a natural human response to be sure, but i can't help but think back on the days when boys were attracted to me and asked me out to things, to dinners and dances. and that was at an all girl's school! how crazy is this life. i mean, i'm not stupid, i know i've gained weight in college. i'm not ignorant. i guess i don't seem to have a stellar personality so i can't fall back on that one. because here i don't really have a personality. and if i do, i sure don't like it. it will be interesting to see if people perceive me differently when antoinette comes to visit next week.
can you believe it?! NEXT WEEK. my best friend will be here, in utah, next week. i can hardly contain my excitement. we'll be going to LA for the weekend, and we'll be having so many adventures i can hardly stand it. and then maybe i'll introduce her to my friends. oh wait, what friends, i've either alienated them all, ceased to talk to them because of boy drama (can somebody say jacob and javier?) or they've just moved on into their own lives (melinda, kelsey, anyone who got married). but there's morning. and maybe i'll introduce her to the jacobs just for kicks, and maybe i'll introduce her to my classmates and such.
ugh, all i want to do is DANCE.
here's a photo from my library i found that i had forgotten about. it's from japan. july, 2007.

the deer are sacred and allowed to roam free, so they feel no qualms in presenting themselves to you.
i wish we could all be that way.