ok, guys, i wasn't kidding about the being sad about the no comments thing. COME ON. LET'S GET THIS MOVING. I'M SAD.
moving on, yesterday was pretty awkward. did i already talk about this? i feel like i did. so i'm not going too talk about it AGAIN. man, that would be embarrassing.
sigur ros is too good.
umm... i don't want to do my homework like for serious y'all.
woah, distracted. anyway. so my window is open to hang this thing out of it, and now that the temperature is dropping (GLORIOUS) it is quite freezing outside. i'm telling you. anyway. i think i'm going to go on a walk now.
<3!
October 23, 2005
October 22, 2005
Glenn's Got Slacks
anyway, seriously world, WHAT IS WITH YOU LATELY?
the boy i'm in love with is completely not liking me back, my car has broken down so now i can't drive anywhere and spend all day watching danny bonaduce and freaking... dirty dancing (the movie), my effing cousin is dying, i am completely burdened with homework, AND we have no money?
the conversation (THE conversation) was really really awkward. um. yeah.
gosh frickin dang it i'm going to bed. i just can't take it anymore!
also, i just texted a friends of my little sister. because this is what i found on the message box thing:
Elmoluvs13: this is a really kool ryme my friend told me 4 our graduating year thing party hard
rock n roll
we r the class u cant control
Guys r pimpin
girls r fine
were NOT the class of 2009!
when 2009 is graduated n gone
2010 will party on
2011 will think they got class
BUT 2012 WILL ALWAYS KICK .....
Elmoluvs13 is away at 3:50:43 PM.
Elmoluvs13 returned at 3:52:59 PM.
Elmoluvs13: talk 2 me
Elmoluvs13: oh
Elmoluvs13: w/e
Elmoluvs13: come back
by the way, you click on the link and an away message box pops up saying, "haha!! i'm gay!!"
i was like. wtf kind of retard kid is this. so i IMed her on my little sisters account:
lamehippiein80s: wtf kind of stuff is this
Auto response from Elmoluvs13: I have good news and bad news the bad news is I'm away the good news is I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by swiching to Geico. 15 minuets could save u 15% or more on car insurance.
lamehippiein80s: minutes. minutes.
lamehippiein80s: besides, the class of 2007 WILL ROCK HARDER THAN ANY OTHER CLASS IN TIME OH YEAH!!!!!
heh. i hope that kid wakes up, sees that, and cries.
the boy i'm in love with is completely not liking me back, my car has broken down so now i can't drive anywhere and spend all day watching danny bonaduce and freaking... dirty dancing (the movie), my effing cousin is dying, i am completely burdened with homework, AND we have no money?
the conversation (THE conversation) was really really awkward. um. yeah.
gosh frickin dang it i'm going to bed. i just can't take it anymore!
also, i just texted a friends of my little sister. because this is what i found on the message box thing:
Elmoluvs13: this is a really kool ryme my friend told me 4 our graduating year thing party hard
rock n roll
we r the class u cant control
Guys r pimpin
girls r fine
were NOT the class of 2009!
when 2009 is graduated n gone
2010 will party on
2011 will think they got class
BUT 2012 WILL ALWAYS KICK .....
Elmoluvs13 is away at 3:50:43 PM.
Elmoluvs13 returned at 3:52:59 PM.
Elmoluvs13: talk 2 me
Elmoluvs13: oh
Elmoluvs13: w/e
Elmoluvs13: come back
by the way, you click on the link and an away message box pops up saying, "haha!! i'm gay!!"
i was like. wtf kind of retard kid is this. so i IMed her on my little sisters account:
lamehippiein80s: wtf kind of stuff is this
Auto response from Elmoluvs13: I have good news and bad news the bad news is I'm away the good news is I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by swiching to Geico. 15 minuets could save u 15% or more on car insurance.
lamehippiein80s: minutes. minutes.
lamehippiein80s: besides, the class of 2007 WILL ROCK HARDER THAN ANY OTHER CLASS IN TIME OH YEAH!!!!!
heh. i hope that kid wakes up, sees that, and cries.
i am not ok with that.
alright, so umm... i think we are all in favor of declaring today a pretty much really really sucky day. like, i haven't cried that hard since... like... may of last year. so, pretty much in overview form, colin and i were supposed to hang out tonight, and i had asked him if we could do it (since his birthday is on sunday) like, a week in advance. wow, that was an awkward sentence.
anyway, so like, i don't know if he can come or not, and my friends are all at football games and band performances and i needed someone to comfort me and surprise surprise, there was no one. NO ONE. oh, by the by, i got a text from him later. at about nine thirty. saying he couldn't go. wow, that's fantastic, only a few hours later than i needed. i got dressed up. i looked frickin delicious.
if i may say so myself. anyway, i hated not knowing, and i just. it's happened too many times. so tomorrow, i have to call him and talk to him about how i feel about this and what my problem with him is, and since he appreciates honesty he better freaking appreciate this cause this is just not the kind of thing i do. really. but, i was at the point of serious... serious depression. i was. SO. sad. like, i kind even find words to describe it. and i can't really explain what it was exactly that made me so sad, because i was bawling before i even found out that he officially couldn't go. i guess it's just the feeling of being stood up or whatever. gosh i hate boys. no wonder everyone tells me to avoid them.
and in all seriousness, i needed someone to talk to so badly. and there was no one.
world, you have failed me.
anyway, so like, i don't know if he can come or not, and my friends are all at football games and band performances and i needed someone to comfort me and surprise surprise, there was no one. NO ONE. oh, by the by, i got a text from him later. at about nine thirty. saying he couldn't go. wow, that's fantastic, only a few hours later than i needed. i got dressed up. i looked frickin delicious.
if i may say so myself. anyway, i hated not knowing, and i just. it's happened too many times. so tomorrow, i have to call him and talk to him about how i feel about this and what my problem with him is, and since he appreciates honesty he better freaking appreciate this cause this is just not the kind of thing i do. really. but, i was at the point of serious... serious depression. i was. SO. sad. like, i kind even find words to describe it. and i can't really explain what it was exactly that made me so sad, because i was bawling before i even found out that he officially couldn't go. i guess it's just the feeling of being stood up or whatever. gosh i hate boys. no wonder everyone tells me to avoid them.
and in all seriousness, i needed someone to talk to so badly. and there was no one.
world, you have failed me.
October 20, 2005
I'm ok with the fact that i'm the only one reading this.
i went to the polmynologist today. that didn't do anything. she was an hour behind her work schedule, so i was like, dude, i'm gonna miss class and stuff, so i rescheduled. and then i went to il graino and ate lunch with colin. still upset i missed his wave... :[ his birthday is on monday and i don't know what to get him. should i even get him anything? meh. i worked a little bit on my room. it looks a little cleaner. hopefully i will get more done tongight. i don't know man, it's just one of those nights where i just want to lie down and not exist. i'm so behind in the jokes of my friends and i feel like an old old man because i just don't want to party at their high talking pace. and mostly, i'm talking about antoinette and katie, because they are always on the run and always doing stuff, i feel like i'm missing out on almost everything. ah well. i guess i'm getting old. boy am i falling apart. i have no money, i don't feel like doing anything, i just want to talk to my boys and scream along with screamo. yeah i'm a dork, but at least i'm not you.
i gave away my most favoritist bowl today. it was really hard man, that bowl was one of my best. but it's going to a girl in my church who's getting surgery and... oh well. maybe i'll make a better one.
i want to go on adventures with you.
gosh. winter sure does have a strange affect on me. it's like, screamo sweater season where all of my art energy comes out, the windows are always down, the bangs are longer. more bracelets. more laziness. more solitude. still incessently bothering one boy, and it will probably end in tears. it always does.
on a brighter note, i am now cutting out food a lot. like. yeah. we didn't work out in fencing today though, which sucks because like. i needed to work out. cause i'm fat. so like, i'm considering going to the work out room at school and working out there. or something. i'll figure this out.
i'm hording three baskets in my room. sorry mary.
mmm hmm.
i didn't see enough annie today and that made me sad.
j-rexxx. is now in hibernation mode.
goodbye till next spring.
welcome, jules.
yeah that's right, everyone will be calling me jules now.
or julia if your old.
i gave away my most favoritist bowl today. it was really hard man, that bowl was one of my best. but it's going to a girl in my church who's getting surgery and... oh well. maybe i'll make a better one.
i want to go on adventures with you.
gosh. winter sure does have a strange affect on me. it's like, screamo sweater season where all of my art energy comes out, the windows are always down, the bangs are longer. more bracelets. more laziness. more solitude. still incessently bothering one boy, and it will probably end in tears. it always does.
on a brighter note, i am now cutting out food a lot. like. yeah. we didn't work out in fencing today though, which sucks because like. i needed to work out. cause i'm fat. so like, i'm considering going to the work out room at school and working out there. or something. i'll figure this out.
i'm hording three baskets in my room. sorry mary.
mmm hmm.
i didn't see enough annie today and that made me sad.
j-rexxx. is now in hibernation mode.
goodbye till next spring.
welcome, jules.
yeah that's right, everyone will be calling me jules now.
or julia if your old.
October 18, 2005
um hello awesome bright eyes
this song is simply amazing.
Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you incessantly from the place between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you.
Does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched
and does he cry through broken sentences like I love you far too much?
Does he lay awake listening to your breath? Worried that you smoke too many cigarettes.
Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile there are a thousand more that you won't ever see but most hold inside yourself eternally.
I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death.
In every city, memories would whisper, Here is where you rest.
I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her.
She had eyes bright enough to burn me.
They reminded me of yours.
In a story told she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed.
And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands.
And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry's end where I wrote, You make me happy when the skies are gray You make me happy the skies are gray and gray and gray.
Well the clock's heart it hangs inside its open chest with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself
but I will not weep for those dying days.
For all the ones who have left there are a few that stayed.
And they found me here and pulled me from the grass where I was laid.
Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you incessantly from the place between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you.
Does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched
and does he cry through broken sentences like I love you far too much?
Does he lay awake listening to your breath? Worried that you smoke too many cigarettes.
Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile there are a thousand more that you won't ever see but most hold inside yourself eternally.
I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death.
In every city, memories would whisper, Here is where you rest.
I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her.
She had eyes bright enough to burn me.
They reminded me of yours.
In a story told she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed.
And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands.
And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry's end where I wrote, You make me happy when the skies are gray You make me happy the skies are gray and gray and gray.
Well the clock's heart it hangs inside its open chest with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself
but I will not weep for those dying days.
For all the ones who have left there are a few that stayed.
And they found me here and pulled me from the grass where I was laid.
OH MY GOSH
i'm so sick of the freaking ultra uber happiness
and i'm so tired of mary's mood swings and how she now is being a complete and utter jerk and i hate how there is a wasp on my wall that NO ONE WILL KILL and i hate the fact that colin has given up on me completely and i hate the fact that i need sixty more dollars and. and. and.
cry.
and i'm so tired of mary's mood swings and how she now is being a complete and utter jerk and i hate how there is a wasp on my wall that NO ONE WILL KILL and i hate the fact that colin has given up on me completely and i hate the fact that i need sixty more dollars and. and. and.
cry.
October 17, 2005
well in response to...
for some reason i feel like posting a really long blog. this might be branching off of a post katie has created, and i think she was referring to me somewhere in the mix, but i can't be sure. either way, i need to clear some things up, for myself mostly. writing it out helps though. anyway, so lately i haven't been very social with school friends. especially after my church trip. why is this? well there is a whole lot of reasons why this is. i guess we could start off with the fact that while in new york i became much better friends with all the people from church, especially colin. and now that i'm home and settled down into school and all that, i just don't feel like doing anything. i think one of the major reasons this has happened is because football games are dead boring and now with the new spirit party restrictions, i just don't feel like going to the dances afterwards. i've lost all heart. plus, because i've missed so much hanging out while away and during recent weekends, i am feeling more and more alienated from my friends. it's not that big of a deal, but i mean. it's starting to build up more. i can't drive down to dallas all the time, and my friends don't pick me up very often, so when they want to do all this activities in way-over-there-dallas, i normally can't do them. my car is extremely unreliable, therefore my mom doesn't want me out late at night, which does cripple me though. my favourite thing to do is cruise late at night with friends and now that this has been abolished, i am very sad. also, now that antoinette and katie have licenses, it's like, they can meet whenever they feel like, which they do a lot. and i don't mind when friends hang out without me, in fact that's rather healthy, but it's building up to the point where i don't know a lot of the jokes/ people they refer to now and i just feel completely out of the loop. can i completely blame my parents for this? or my car? not exactly. i am a lazy kid and i can understand that because i don't clean my room or ever accept responsabilities why my parents are hesitant to let me party a lot. i wish i could do more stuff, but i can't and i understand for the most part. i wish i were more motivated and that i didn't have so much lathargy. other observations include the fact that i enjoy hanging out with colin now, to the point where like. he's one of my own friends now so like, i'm willing to hang out with him all the time (even though he doesn't quite seem THAT eager to hang out with me, but oh well.) also,now that i'm just so out of the loop with my friends, i just don't want to do any social activity, for some reason. i can't explain this.
and i don't think that when you grow up with a family that makes you feel comfortable about yourself that you can't be the popular kid in school or whatever. i mean, it doesn't make sense that you should change for people, to be popular. it's like, why should i change just to get someone to like me? and i don't like it when people change according to how people will accept them. that's a people pleaser that is, and that gets you no where. i wouldn't trade my personality for a fake more popular one ever. popularity is highly HIGHLY overrated. seriously guys, get off your high horse.
dance restrictions... what's up with that?
it's fall time which means once again that feeling of just wanting to curl up in a ball and hide forever in my room is coming back to me. i feel like, if the guy i like would just like me back... and we could start dating... i feel like i would be such a happier person. like, fall and winter wouldn't be so sad and lonely for me, but like, cuddly. and so, i am lonely.
plus, all the comments i get now are electronic responses from large corporations. which makes me that much more sad.
:[
and i don't think that when you grow up with a family that makes you feel comfortable about yourself that you can't be the popular kid in school or whatever. i mean, it doesn't make sense that you should change for people, to be popular. it's like, why should i change just to get someone to like me? and i don't like it when people change according to how people will accept them. that's a people pleaser that is, and that gets you no where. i wouldn't trade my personality for a fake more popular one ever. popularity is highly HIGHLY overrated. seriously guys, get off your high horse.
dance restrictions... what's up with that?
it's fall time which means once again that feeling of just wanting to curl up in a ball and hide forever in my room is coming back to me. i feel like, if the guy i like would just like me back... and we could start dating... i feel like i would be such a happier person. like, fall and winter wouldn't be so sad and lonely for me, but like, cuddly. and so, i am lonely.
plus, all the comments i get now are electronic responses from large corporations. which makes me that much more sad.
:[
October 15, 2005
BARNALKNBKN
ok, all of my friends are at antoinette's house waiting for me and colin to arrive. it was like this for winter formal as well. i can't take much more tardiness. he's a good kid and fun to hang out with, but i wish he would realize that time isn't just something that doesn't matter-- peoples lives depend on it, and it is incredibly rude to just keep a large group of people waiting. if you can't make it when you say you can, audience, trust me when i say that it is much better to give them the HONEST TIME you will BE THERE!! almost thirty minutes late, i can't stand it much longer. AND HE IS JUST LEAVING AKA WILL BE HERE IN TEN TO FIFTEEN MINUTES AKA someone shoot me.
i hate being a burden sometimes.
i hate being a burden sometimes.
October 12, 2005
Burn List
Ok, things that i hate right now include but are not limited to:
1. psat's
2. stress
3. tardiness
4. family-going-to-fair-without-me
5. friends-going-out-without-me
6. mormon teenagers (for many many reasons)
7. fencing tournament the weekend of halloween, becuase now i can't go to the awesome halloween party that is happening.
8. feeling like a woman with lots of cats
9. people with boyfriends.
sob.
1. psat's
2. stress
3. tardiness
4. family-going-to-fair-without-me
5. friends-going-out-without-me
6. mormon teenagers (for many many reasons)
7. fencing tournament the weekend of halloween, becuase now i can't go to the awesome halloween party that is happening.
8. feeling like a woman with lots of cats
9. people with boyfriends.
sob.
October 10, 2005
Stabilo Boss
OK, so i'm pretty much exhausted since i woke up at 530 this morning to work on my french homework and it is now 632 AM and i'm finished, or so i hope... anyway, the reason i didn't really get any of my homework finished last night is because at 8 o'clock i went over to colin's house to talk with him (and i kind of forgot to tell my parents/ get permission so they could severly ticked off when i got home). at least, i just wanted to give him this letter and give his family some brownies. but when i got there he ushered me outside and we talked about him and his problems for a good hour and a half. i didn't really care how long i was out there because he was so SO heartbroken and SO upset. i wish there was someway i could show him what i know but there isn't. i also wish he realized that we are so similar in our wants, it's not even funny. i was actually kind of freaked out-- how highly he places trust, like, the cuddly part, etc. etc. i am not really going to go into detail, but all i can say is i have pretty much found my equal. and he doesn't even like me in that way. tear. lemme just say, the cuddle season is beginning and i have never felt so hallow and alone in my entire life. ultra tear. i feel rediculous now, so i'm stopping.
October 06, 2005
I've got a bad feeling about this...
i am back from canada slash new york!!! yeah! it was amazing, and i would post hot photos of me with boys but mary would make fun of me so instead i'm posting none pictures! go to deviantart or summat if you want to check out hot photos.
the boat tour of canadas level 5 rapids WAS AMAZING and i wish everyday i WERE THERE AGAIN. i mean, just yesterday i was talking and hugging boys and scratching their backs and like, being loved, and today i am freaking out about how much homework i have to make up and start and how many tests to take.
the trees were just beginning to change, the weather was beautiful, the boys ran around shirtless (aka i got more lonely) i learned a lot more about everyone, and i had an absolutely amazing time. FORWARD PASS.
awkard turtle.
omgz. freaking take me back.
also colin + me + winter formal?
amazing. if antoinette took ross? hillarious.
the boat tour of canadas level 5 rapids WAS AMAZING and i wish everyday i WERE THERE AGAIN. i mean, just yesterday i was talking and hugging boys and scratching their backs and like, being loved, and today i am freaking out about how much homework i have to make up and start and how many tests to take.
the trees were just beginning to change, the weather was beautiful, the boys ran around shirtless (aka i got more lonely) i learned a lot more about everyone, and i had an absolutely amazing time. FORWARD PASS.
awkard turtle.
omgz. freaking take me back.
also colin + me + winter formal?
amazing. if antoinette took ross? hillarious.