for some reason i feel like posting a really long blog. this might be branching off of a post katie has created, and i think she was referring to me somewhere in the mix, but i can't be sure. either way, i need to clear some things up, for myself mostly. writing it out helps though. anyway, so lately i haven't been very social with school friends. especially after my church trip. why is this? well there is a whole lot of reasons why this is. i guess we could start off with the fact that while in new york i became much better friends with all the people from church, especially colin. and now that i'm home and settled down into school and all that, i just don't feel like doing anything. i think one of the major reasons this has happened is because football games are dead boring and now with the new spirit party restrictions, i just don't feel like going to the dances afterwards. i've lost all heart. plus, because i've missed so much hanging out while away and during recent weekends, i am feeling more and more alienated from my friends. it's not that big of a deal, but i mean. it's starting to build up more. i can't drive down to dallas all the time, and my friends don't pick me up very often, so when they want to do all this activities in way-over-there-dallas, i normally can't do them. my car is extremely unreliable, therefore my mom doesn't want me out late at night, which does cripple me though. my favourite thing to do is cruise late at night with friends and now that this has been abolished, i am very sad. also, now that antoinette and katie have licenses, it's like, they can meet whenever they feel like, which they do a lot. and i don't mind when friends hang out without me, in fact that's rather healthy, but it's building up to the point where i don't know a lot of the jokes/ people they refer to now and i just feel completely out of the loop. can i completely blame my parents for this? or my car? not exactly. i am a lazy kid and i can understand that because i don't clean my room or ever accept responsabilities why my parents are hesitant to let me party a lot. i wish i could do more stuff, but i can't and i understand for the most part. i wish i were more motivated and that i didn't have so much lathargy. other observations include the fact that i enjoy hanging out with colin now, to the point where like. he's one of my own friends now so like, i'm willing to hang out with him all the time (even though he doesn't quite seem THAT eager to hang out with me, but oh well.) also,now that i'm just so out of the loop with my friends, i just don't want to do any social activity, for some reason. i can't explain this.
and i don't think that when you grow up with a family that makes you feel comfortable about yourself that you can't be the popular kid in school or whatever. i mean, it doesn't make sense that you should change for people, to be popular. it's like, why should i change just to get someone to like me? and i don't like it when people change according to how people will accept them. that's a people pleaser that is, and that gets you no where. i wouldn't trade my personality for a fake more popular one ever. popularity is highly HIGHLY overrated. seriously guys, get off your high horse.
dance restrictions... what's up with that?
it's fall time which means once again that feeling of just wanting to curl up in a ball and hide forever in my room is coming back to me. i feel like, if the guy i like would just like me back... and we could start dating... i feel like i would be such a happier person. like, fall and winter wouldn't be so sad and lonely for me, but like, cuddly. and so, i am lonely.
plus, all the comments i get now are electronic responses from large corporations. which makes me that much more sad.
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