MOVING THE BLOG:

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FOR ALL THOSE WHO CARE.

also realized i repeated a bunch of my previous post. i'm such a fail but too exhausted to change it SO DEAL.

holy smokes this has to be brief because my body is dying.
yes, my life is awesome and i am so so happy.

i went to washington d.c. for the fourth of july weekend. mary and i took the bolt down from manhattan. we met my mom at union station (one of my favorite places on earth, i've decided. an amazing old world elegance that i love) and then left to pick my dad up from the airport. we stayed at the ritz-carlton in maclean, virginia.

the hotel was also insanely nice. it was attached to a beautiful mall and the whole interior was chandeliers and dark wood. mmm... felt so nice to be there. the room was beautiful. each day was unique and full of activities. it was so much fun to be with my mom and dad! one night mary and i ordered tons of junk food and stayed in our bathrobes while our parents went out. we watched discovery channel and it was glorious.

that saturday we attended my cousin heather's wedding. she looked beautiful and the whole thing was very fashionable (it was a black tie wedding).

we visited family for the rest of the weekend and i reunited with my two little cousins, ella and sophia, whom i now adore and think about constantly. they were such amazing little bubbles of joy and optimism. it made me realize how important the role of "mother" is to me, something i never realized was so strong in me.

my mom and dad left on monday, before the insanely beautiful fireworks show. my parents set me and mary up in a crazy nice hotel right by the washington monument where we later went to watch the fireworks show with aunts and cousins alike.

after returning to new york, mary and i realized my time here is coming to an end. i panicked! so much left to do. it's been an amazing experience being here. it feels like a thick strip of gauze has been lifted from my eyes. i'm so much happier.

this past weekend we hung out with mary's friend from high school, michael o'brien, and went to lots of cool eateries and bars. we watched british movies (in the loop, super funny) and laughed at each other. there was much grease and fist bumping and joy. on saturday mary and i went to see the insanely amazing alexander mcqueen exhibit at the metropolitan museum. the line was crazy long but sooooo worth it. i had an amazing time. afterwards we dashed onto the train and met michael and his lovely friends met us at battery park. there, we watched henry v performed by a new york theater group. super fun and innovative because we followed the actors. we ran all over the park and then onto the ferry where we went to governor's island and ran all over the place there. all the characters were crazy attractive and the whole thing was very funny.

after that exhausting saturday mary and i ate at fraunces tavern, an old hang out for people in the 1700's. no big deal.

sunday we watched due date and relaxed because we were exhausted.

so now i have a list of things to do a mile long, so many people to meet up with and catch up with and enjoy the company of. i have lots to plan and prepare for, lots of decisions to be made. i still work for diana eng (who just released her new collection of laser cut tees, check 'em out!) so i'm very busy with all that.

today i saw the project runway all-star cast.  they film across the hall from kbl. whaaaat? so cool.

that's it for now. accutane is working. my skin is slowly becoming a vampires skin which is kind of cool.

ok, i am unforgivably behind on this puppy. so much has happened, its completely unreal! i work every day from 10-4, basically doing whatever is asked of me. i work with a company called KBL and they are amazing people, each and every one of them. no one has been mean or rude to me just because i'm an intern. they all include me and are super polite. i love the atmosphere there, its both positive and professional. i was offered and accepted an additional internship with a girl named diana eng. she was on project runway for a while. she combines science and art and i love what she does. i'm doing PR for her and its been a great experience so far.

so i'm definitely keeping busy. hopefully all of this will help me get into a communications major. if not, who knows what i'll do. 

so, i've been working and running all around town. i hung out with my friend courtney, we had a sleepover where we watched beastly. it's fun hanging out with courtney because one on one i'm learning we have way more in common than i ever realized. 

so last week, i slept over at courtney's. it was weird because it was like we were living in high school, but the next morning we got up separately and went to our different jobs. it felt so bizarre! after work, i walked to the bolt bus stop and me and mary left for d.c. i was really excited because i was off to see my mom and dad. i can't remember the last time i was in d.c. for sightseeing but i want to say it was our 6th grade field trip to williamsburg, viriginia and surrounding areas. it was exciting and fun but i left my camera on the bus and was thereby extremely disappointed. my mom picked us up and then we received my dad. for some reason my nerves were on serious end. everyone was tired and nit-picky and focusing so much on my diet i freaked out a little bit and cried for no real reason. i get so tearful when i'm tired. 

our parents were very awesome and got us a room in the ritz carleton. it was so beautiful and old feeling. i would stay in no other hotel in mclean, virginia in the future. it was attached to the galleria mall there, which was full of luxury stores. we went shopping for a while and then, mom and dad left for the wedding rehearsal dinner. mary and i stayed in the hotel room, gorging ourselves on maggianos and cheesecake factory while watching dual survival. it was a very fun night. 

the next day was heather's wedding. i learned a few key things on this day. the first being that i will be a complete nightmare bride. i wish i could say this weren't the case, but i already know what i want my wedding to be like. i've always planned on planning my wedding. and if anything around me seems in disrepair i'll probably freaked. i also learned some cute planning ideas as well as things i want to avoid. i also learned that spanks are very uncomfortable. 

heather's wedding took place on the trump gold course. it was an absolutely beautiful setting. it was fun being surrounded with family, but i was tired, felt super fat, and felt uncomfortable as well. also, since i'm taking accutane, i'm supposed to avoid the sun. i know its because i burn but i also think its because some sort of reaction happens and i feel really sick. so by the time the wedding was over i felt supremely ill. the reception was on a balcony that overlooked the river and forests. it truly was beautiful. heather and billy are a beautiful couple and planned this wedding very well.

mom took me inside because i was feeling ill. we went upstairs to sit in the dining reception area. the chandeliers and windows are what really did it for me. it was unbelievable. the food was delicious and by the end i was so full i thought i would die. then a drunk woman, rather plump, set her thin stiletto on my foot and all was lost. there's still a puncture mark there. rough times. so after that we decided to go home. we were all tired and i felt vaguely out of place, in a way.

the next day we spent at my aunt marlene's house. she cooked dinner for us, which was fun, but the most fun was hanging out with my cousin jenny's kids. they have such an amazing spirit about them. i really did want to steal them and take them with me. we played all night. there were so many times i felt so wonderfully at peace. it was when i had them crawling all over me. the oldest one, ella, curled up on my lap and hugged me for a full hour, pressing her face against my chest. then the younger one, sophia, curled up next to us and i thought i would die. i never realized how much of a mothering side i have to myself but i really do. i just love children. i think they are so pure and beautiful and amazing.

the next day jenny said on the ride home they both told her i would  be a great mom. i really hope that happens for me one day. on monday it was my mom and dad's last day. we visited marlene's once more and then drove into washington d.c. mom and dad got us this really great hotel room right next to the washington monument. we checked in and then said our goodbyes. mary, cousin brooke, and i roamed around the city, visiting the main sites, and then eating potbelly's for lunch. there we ran into our cousins and aunt barbara. we all walked together and i finally got to catch up with jenny on both of our lives. it felt good and i felt like, for the first time in a very very long time, i was exactly where i was supposed to be in my life.

we all curled up on picnic blankets and got ready for the fireworks display. there was live music, chatting, and snacking. i love my family so much! they are so positive and full of good advice. if anyone has issues with their family i would recommend resolving them first and foremost because it can lead to so much misery. the fireworks started at 9pm and i must say, d.c. does an absolutely AMAZING job. it's something everyone must see once in their life. seriously. nothing can top that. we were all "oohing" and "ahhing" over the incredible display in front of us. me and mary both missed my parents dearly. they were so much fun to have around. 

after the insane exodus, mary and i walked back to the hotel. we got ice cream and drinks, watched the true hollywood story on selena gomez, and ordered a cheeseburger from room service. we slept in our heavenly giant bed and then got up to get to union station (which is one of the best places on earth, i swear). the weekend was a great success. i left feeling happy. not necessarily rested, but very very happy, just full of optimism and excitement for the future. everyone in virginia was insanely nice and polite to us, it was wonderful. and the air smelled really good. although the bugs were freakishly huge.

so, success. there is much to complete now, this week, but pretty little liars was on tonight, which is a win. i have a lot of projects to do and things to remember. but soon i'll be going to pittsburg and falling water with mary, and that will be a fun adventure. 

that's all i got. i should rest up for the intense work day tomorrow. siiiiigh. i miss my friends and family but i really do love the east coast so much. 

oh my gosh my brain feels mashed in. my eyes are sore and heavy and there is absolutely no reason for this.
tomorrow i start my new internship. i'm nervous and excited and a little bit wary but i know how important it is to have experience, really any kind of experience, when you leave college and are looking for a job. so hopefully this will be an awesome experience on and off paper.
also, i checked my weight at the beginning of last week and then again this morning. how is losing 11 pounds in one week possible? i mean, i'm sure most of it is water weight but still. i felt pretty shocked and proud of myself. it's been difficult but the past few days have been much easier. the dull ache of hunger doesn't send me into a tizzy anymore. i just realize i need to snack, grab a decaf, or eat a meal. it's no big. saturdays make it easier to break up the week. as long as i survive the rough week, i know i have one day where i can eat like a queen.
new york is, as always, an adventure. i'm getting more self confidence here and with that comes the cat calling. normally its something i'd shy away from or even get nervous about but, it doesn't really bother me anymore. for some reason my hair just really lights the fires of the local puerto ricans here.
saturday was our beach day. mary and i woke up and hurried as we got dressed. we met her friend mary south at a local coffee shop to get breakfast to go. we walked to the metro and after a couple of transfers, we were headed to rockaway beach. the commute was long but definitely worth it. it was fun leaving the city, even if for just a five hour block. we met my cousin brooke there, and mary south had friends trickle in over the hours. we played in the atlantic for a while, bracing the cold and actually getting completely covered in sea water. it was very freeing.
after our bout in the water we walked to the rockaway taco stand. from what i understood, this is kind of a necessity if you visit the beach. the line was long but the tacos were delicious and worth the wait. they didn't have chicken tacos (anto) which was a bummer. while sitting down we heard a few french guys talking. i starting speaking with them in french and asked where they were from (paris) and what they were doing here (working for a short while). it was so interesting talking with them. i had no qualms about language boundaries. even though i'm not fluent in french by any means, i am confident i can get across what i need to. and i did. we spoke in english and in french about summers and what each of us was planning on and experiencing. they told me my accent was very good, which made me beam. always a high compliment to receive.
after the beach had lost its luster we packed up and headed home. by the time we got back i realized i was really quite badly burned on the right side of my body... probably should've prepared myself for that but i wanted to feel the burn of the sun one last time because.... that evening i started accutane. as many people know that is a very powerful acne medication. no, my acne is not that bad but this medication will, hopefully, make it so that i don't break out anymore in the future. so its a little freaky to be taking a medication that has a pregnant lady with a giant line through her belly over every tab but hopefully all will turn out well.
because the diet i'm on is so healthy and well balanced, my body has been dealing with its weird issues much better. i sincerely hope i can keep this pattern of living up through the rest of the summer and into the school year. its hard because it mostly involves cooking at home and i run out of easy/ quick methods of food preparation very quickly. so i need to prepare for that. also, walking all over the place in new york helps a lot, too.
anyway, i have many more adventures ahead of me. i still need to stroll through central park, shop for a dress for my cousin's wedding, explore the area near where i work, the area near mary's apartment. i need to go farther north, maybe to maine, and see the trees and that freezing ocean. i need to find quirky shops and explore this city with as much tenacity as i did in paris.
anyway, that's about it for now. i'm very tired and i need to rest for my big day tomorrow! more to come, as always.

well, it cooled down a few days here in NYC which was a nice gift. it was getting really unbearably hot. this past week was very productive. i got myself an internship (yaaay) with a clothing manufacturing company. it feels good to have a purpose, and to get an experience in a field. i hope it will help me in the future when i'm applying for things.
mary and i went to a show called "sleep no more." it was a very interesting take on one of shakespeare's plays, macbeth. all the non-actors had to wear masks and it took place in an abandoned hotel. you were sort of left to roam the 1st through 5th floors, running into actors and different scenes from the play. some touched you, some stared at you. they fought, knocked things over. they had candy shops and mini streets, a creepy wood, a cemetery.... it was so cool. all the actors were awesome dancers as well and they did some really interesting fight scenes and interpretive dancing. at the end everyone was kind of herded to the first floor where macbeth was hung. no one was allowed to talk and you never knew where you would stumble. it was TOO COOL. you got to search through all the drawers, look through whatever you liked. it was awesome. very mystical. totally up my ally. mary and i met up with some of her friends at the bar there where there was a live big band playing. too awesome! we hung out for a while and then mary and i and mary south split cab fare to brooklyn. such a cool night! i got home covered in fake blood.
oh that day was also busy because i hung out with my friend nick whom i've known since like... 8th grade. he and i went back to brooklyn and hung out. we watched videos and talked about 80's bands, big hats, and how people just aren't nice anymore.
other than that, i've been walking a bunch, reading, roaming, exploring, dieting, the whole shebang. i've been watching/ reading a lot of stuff where there are these amazing friendships. it's a topic i've been thinking about and talking about a lot. because as a kid, and even now, i daydream about the perfect friend. the one who is completely loyal, who puts aside homework and comes over to you when you're having a bad night, who knows all your favorite things, who goes on vacations with you and is with you through all the hard parts of life. mary says thats what a husband is. but so often people are portrayed as having these kinds of friendships. do these actually exist? i'd like to find one. and i really think i used to be that friend, but i've gotten kind of selfish in the last few years. or maybe i've given up. but i'm on a renewed mission to find and make that friendship, because friends are so much more important than people realize. i'd definitely thank friends for getting me out of a lot of rough patches in my life.
and this isn't to say i don't have good friends now. i do. but we're just not at that level yet. you know? and i want to have a friendship at that level.
let me think what else. tonight mary and i watched "forgetting sarah marshall," and i laughed so hard because i related to it so much. saturday is coming which means eat-whatever-you-want-dayyyyy!!! yes.
that's all i got. i'll take more pictures and do more cool things i swear.

quick update of things seen around/ near brooklyn:
it's summertime so all los idiotos are out bustin' open the fire hydrants which are OH WAIT filled with sewer water. whatever. anyway, so unfiltered water is spraying every three blocks all day every day.
the ice cream truck comes around all the time. i am certain this ice cream truck also sells drugs. what kind of ice cream truck is out past 8pm? drug trucks.
started the vampire diaries today OMG can't stop watching.
spotted a mutant cockroach in our house WTF that thing was as big as my big toe NO LIE.
have interviews for internships next week.
started the diet it's so extreme but my pants are already falling off so yay?
did i mention the vampire diaries thing?
today mary and i ate at atlas (a coffee shop around the corner). the girl working there was a complete delight and mary and i had pressed sandwiches and water blech. also i got a decaf with soy and then we wandered through the neighborhoods of brooklyn. such great shops and restaurants! i love this part of new york.
tomorrow we're supposed to go to the beach but it's looking like stormy skies so.... oh and tomorrow is our cheat day so lunch and dinner are splurges so i'm thinking pizza and vampire diaries? OH YEAH.
here's hoping i don't dream about freaking ginormous cockroaches.

well, its my third or so day in new york. the last time i was here was last summer, i want to say july 15-22 but that could just be speculation. it's been an adventure so far. i was picked up by edgar (my parents "driver") from the airport. i dropped my things off and then met my sister mary and my cousin brooke in the city for some indian food from a street car. or whatevs. then i wandered around the area of mary's work.   not full from the indian food, i ate some chipotle while reading. then i went to a starbucks to read where a creeper man who brought his business check books SLASH homeless bags was staring at me from across the table. new yooooooork.
then mary and i walked from 52nd street allllll the way down to 157 houston, which is like i don't know 70 BLOCKS slash a million. i thought i was dead by the end of it. oh yeah, i hadn't slept the night before. so.... we saw the movie the tree of life which i think got bad reviews but was actually a very beautiful and very visual movie. there were definitely areas that could have been edited more, cropped out even, because much of it was repetitive but boy oh boy it was a sight to see. then i ate pickles and read and slept. the next day mary and i had to ourselves, which was yesterday, so we woke up, ate brunch at the lodge (very fun but unfortunately hipster as all things in williamsburg are) and then decided to go see thor. all the lines were screwed up (new york metro really needs to get its act together on the weekends) but we ended up going to the theater in times square (because "there aren't going to be any bed bugs on the seats" -mary). thor is great. i love thor. he is funny and hot.
then she and i walked to one of the very few taco bells in manhattan. then we went home and i read and slept AGAIN.
today we went to church. it was kind of awkward. men were polite to us and a crazy woman sat across from me and stuck knives in her syrup bottle. then mary and i watched archer and america's next top model while eating mac and cheese and brownies. we unpacked most of my things and now... now i am tired and will read and sleep. as you do.

i can't believe its JUNE. i feel like it should be may forever. sure, the tornados around here have been a little scary and totally threw flight schedules off for a long time, but its also been beautiful here. i've gotten to hang out with friends from high school (and i'm really starting to feel like me again!), relax, read, watch desperate housewives, find some great music, shop, etc. i also got to see chace crawford running in plano. not in one of those "i'm pretty sure i saw him ways," like in one of those, "we looped around a million times until parking in such a way that he ran in front of us and am now 100% sure that it was him in town for his sister candice's wedding" kind of... a way...

i'm trying to think of all the fun stuff i've gotten to do that i really should have written down or journaled or blogged about or something, but my memory isn't so good for these things. we DID try and stalk chace crawford that night, unsuccessfully, by going uptown and bar hopping. to no avail. we could not find him. mary took me to a trunk show for some jewelry at her friend bonnie's house and she bought me a really cute necklace. um... i got to see thor and am now in love with thor... and the actor who portrayed him (from melbourne omg i've gone to heaven). i also saw... something borrowed (cute and fluffy) and.... i feel like that's it. i haven't gone to the movies as often as i thought i would. yesterday antoinette, caroline, annie, and i all hung out at anto's (whose mom went ALL out for the mavs party she was having) to watch the game and just laugh and have a good time. after the game we watched titanic II, possibly the worst movie i've ever seen? maybe not, but it is for sure in the top 5. 

hmmm... what other things happened? i read caroline "oh, the places you'll go" out of a bathtub. ate at desperadoes lsat week, and it was YUM. um.... yeah, that's all i can think of.

anyway, in two days i'm flying out to new york city. i'm really sad to be leaving all my friends and family, but i will be staying with my sister mary. we already have plenty of fun activities planned for us. also, courtney might be getting a job in nyc, as will a few other people i knew from high school, so if i get homesick i can always hang out with them. i'll hopefully keep a much more detailed journal while i'm there so i don't forget any of the good bits. it's going to definitely be a challenge. mary is planning on totally detoxing me-- she's putting me on a japanese food diet, we're doing yoga together, i'll be running through central park. we're going to go on weekend trips to fun places and all in all i'm pretty freaking excited. 

ok, i never posted any photos from hawaii so i'll find a few. then, that's it, i have many things to do like pack and read and bond with family. 

mary

brothers. my dad and my uncle dan.

yeah it's been a while. summer is always slower on the updating side because i have 1000 times more of a life. i've hung out with antoinette a lot... watched some movies, lounged at her house, etc. i started watching the series desperate housewives (yeah, i know i'm like 8 years late on that bandwagon). a week ago antoinette and i went to see our friend katie-beth (now katharine) in the dallas theater company's production of CABARET. it was scandalous, of course, and full of drunk lushes, but the singers were quite good and they put on a good show. we got to talk to some survivors from the holocaust era, both around 90 years old or so. afterwards we got to go out for drinks and food and such with some of the cast, and then antoinette, kb, and i all went dancing and bar hopping and whatever else there is to do downtown like meeting a nice 32 year old real estate something or other who buys taco cabana for everyone. that kind of stuff. it was fun!
so now i'm down to the two week mark before i virtually move to new york and try and survive. to be honest, i'm kind of scared. the last big city i lived in was paris and i had a schedule every day, or at least a road map to my future. but my goals for new york are big ones, and i'm obviously very afraid of failure. my mom has expressed many, many times her fear of me dying an early death. as a redhead i basically have every recessive gene from both my parents so any recessive diseases or whatever, I GET. sometimes i just feel like a bag of diseases walking around you know, just waiting to implode, i swear i do.
anyway, in new york, i'm supposed to address all my shortcomings. i'm supposed to make significant life changes, i'm supposed to and want to piece together my sister's happiness again. i want to go on adventures and learn to jog and do yoga regularly. i want to become the social person i once was and regain my personality because sometimes i really do look in the mirror and just don't recognize myself anymore. it's weird how depression can affect you. and how in denial you can be about a significant disease. and how many people don't believe it exists.
i've had so much fun being home. i've been able to hang out with jordan and zach, run errands for my mom (and hopefully lighten her load a little bit). i've gotten to hang out with friends and even got to go to  hawaii, and i've had such a good time. but i'm not sure what i'm even doing with my life anymore. i've just been coasting for sooooo long. next semester, this fall semester, is going to be suuuuch a bummer. MORNING is leaving me, and everyone i know is going on a mission or getting married, seriously, or graduating from college, or whatever but what i'm trying to say is i'm not looking forward to this fall but i want to and that's what's important.
i'll upload photos later. the computer is being dumb.
i'm afraid i'll miss my mom and dad and brother and sister greatly. i know i'll be with another sibling, and that it will be fun, but what can i say. i'm the most spontaneous routined person with excessive creature comforts.

events of this weekend/ week so far:
- us giving my mom the worst mothers day of her life
- watching a swedish vampire movie AND easy a with antoinette in one night
- the cockroach that would not die
- saving a lizard
- planning my trip to new york
- deciding next summer i have to go to greece, croatia, turkey, and possibly italy.

etc. etc. i will write a real post later but i have to get some real sleep