home

well, after a difficult but (towards the end) fun semester, i'm almost to it's close.
the other day i celebrated my birthday with Morning and Ryan. man, do they know how to celebrate birthdays. i've never really had anyone go all out like that, at least while i've been in college. i mean, they REALLY put their 100% into it. we ate at india palace and ryan's gift was wrapped in a (clear) rain poncho, that i was forced to wear, and inside was a giant doughnut and a byusa shirt. i also got a card from the both of them, and morning got me a gift card to nordstrom. then the staff brought us plates and we lit the giant doughnut with a candle we found and they sang happy birthday very, very beautifully.
we ate our delicious food and then they brought out mango ice cream with coconut shavings (somehow it sounds better than it actually is), lit the ice cream with another candle, and then the entire restaurant sang happy birthday. very fun. then we went to DI and got some incredible finds, and then we all went to the sculpture studio and i worked on my bronze sculpture, which i finally finished.
so now i'm home. my first few days were rough. i was exhausted, so exhausted, and grumpy, and i still have a few assignments to do. friday will be better because it will be my birthday and then margaret will get in (although that will probably take away some from all the attention i could be getting but whatevs) and then mary gets in, but that's a lot later. so friday we'll open up presents and either mom will bake me a cake or we'll create a sprinkles red velvet cupcake tower or something.
then saturday we are going to maui.
and on friday i'll be getting my hair cut and my nails done.
and hopefully by the end of this week my health will be back to normal.
yesterday it thunderstormed and it was THE BEST. the rain was so strong and warm and the lightening just sounded good. then it started to hail on jordan and i, who were outside playing in it, and i grabbed one and it was the size of a golfball. a huge, spiky golfball. weirdness.
anyway, i better go. i have a french oral via skype today and then maybe i'll see antoinette or something. or maybe i'll see morning. or maybe no one. maybe i'll just take a nap.

FORGET YOU!

HAPPY 1000TH POST, SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE PRETENTIOUS!!!!!!!!

i go home in two days. oh, didn't know? changed my flight. going home sunday. CAN'T WAIT.
shaking in my booties.
saw kelsey and keith's dog today. CHIP. so precious. he weighs 2 pounds and his razor sharp teeth are the size of grains of sand and he is SO CUTE. will post the photo i took on my phone later.
working on my bronze sculpture tomorrow, hopefully seeing some friends, going to india palace with morning and ryan to celebrate my 23rd birthday (eep) and then, yeah, packing for hawaii/ home.
ran errands today, washed and vacuumed my car, wore sunglasses, called a lot of people, talked about cool surgeries with my dad, visited kelsey, planned my weekend. went to salt lake city, ate chipotle by myself (no tears, no tears). i felt productive and happy and the sun definitely was a major factor in this.
when i get home in texas on sunday it will be around 88 degrees, WOWZA that'll be a change. i can't wait to walk outside and burn my feet on the sidewalk. no sarcasm.
plus i'm having a family reunion next week. we'll all be together! finally!
well, since it's four a.m. i should go.

two days

that's how many days i have left to churn out a ton of stuff as well as how many days of classes i have left. which is CRAZY to think about.
so, on friday i developed this crazy stomach... bug. flu. infestation. takeover. and i couldn't sit upright and food wouldn't stay in my stomach and nothing was helping. and i thought i was dying.
do you know how impossible it is to get school work done when you feel this way? impossible. seeing the bigger picture- just not happening. so i couldn't give my french presentation today with my group (great) and i have so many papers and projects i REALLY want to work on but just can't.
yesterday i was actually craving vegetable stir fry but i couldn't eat it because i can only eat pieces of toast and... soup. which i'm sick of already and it's only monday.
i'm calling stomach cancer.
but on the brighter side, i've got 48 more hours of suffering and stumbling and then i can rest easy because then i'll only have a few exams in the testing center. then i'll be one year old (and a little less wiser, let's be real) and it'll be weird to say 23. i feel like that's a death sentence. but i've also heard 23 being described as a fun year.
i'll never get married.
oh, and then the day i turn 23, i will also be flying home. and i'll get there just in time for lunch at mi cocina. and then the next day i'll be on a plane with all my family and we'll be heading towards maui.
this is like my third grade self's dream.
the trip will be so much fun. i can already feel it. lying on the beach, hanging out in the apartment, going shopping in the local city. biking, climbing palm trees, snorkeling. I'M READY.
now let's just heal this stomach.

finals.

so apparently next week is the last week of school. that really crept up on me. like, seriously, i thought i had two more weeks. but i have four days! this is insanity/ also impossible.
grey's anatomy is taking over my life. in a good way. (i guess morning would say in a bad way).
my room is beyond help. my hair needs a serious cut and my face needs a serious dermatologist.
but today was a thunderstorm. and it felt good. so i went outside and sat on the steps leading to our little red door, and just planted myself under an umbrella. and it rumbled and flashed and smelled so clean.
i don't know what the future holds. i don't know what my major will be or what profession i want to wake up and go to every day for the rest of my life. i don't know if i'll get my act together nutrition wise or if i'll ever date anyone. i don't know if i'll succeed this semester, and i know i'm not giving it all i've got. and that annoys me.

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away


well. that's all i've got. i'm tired, obviously. i've got a blood clot somewhere in my body. and this sounds like a really bummed out post, but it's not, its really not. this all should probably just be in my journal but i've already written it so eff it i'm just going to post it and sleep.

god bless april

i cannot wait until this semester is over. this school year has, of course, been rough on me. i'm excited and anxious for this summer. it promises to have a lot of adventure in store!
after a series of tv shows, books, movies, etc. which somehow all seemed to revolve around fat girls.... i've decided to go back to the gym (yay me). after i dropped morning off at the airport on thursday, i went to whole foods in salt lake. i love that place. i stocked up on lots of delicious, fresh, organic fruits and vegetables. i went running today (ouch) ((also counteracted by how much i ate to "reward myself" g hate my life)). also, the weather was so perfectly gorgeous it was unbelievable. i almost crashed my car a million times because all i wanted to do was stick my head out the window and feel the sun on my face.
downloaded this awesome song.
here are things to look forward to:
classes being over in like, two weeks
the fact that i will be in maui in like, three weeks (WHAT?)

the fact that my birthday is in like, three weeks (double what? i don't want to be 23).
also... dum dum dum duuuuuum! (trumpet sounds) i'm 87% sure i'm staying with my sister mary in new york for half of this summer. around two months. that's like a study abroad! what adventure. what fun. what potential. what pizza. let's google search new york summer...

YES

DOUBLE YES

i'll just pretend like i'm serena van der woodsen. mary and i have already discussed doing yoga together, hanging out, maybe me getting an internship. we'll see! new york shall be my oyster and i will suck the living juices out of it until i find that pearl.
that's right. you heard me.
i'll also be home in dallas for around two months, all of may and then august until school starts. it sounds like it should be an AWESOME summer. and then when i get back to utah... anna simon will be there! i just can hardly stand my excitement.
sure, morning will be off with a credit card and the excitement of paris (i'm not bitter!!!!), but i'm determined to be better this coming year. i will! i can feel it in me bones.