and we kick it into gear

thanksgiving break was a wonderful thing to behold. aside from the fact that i got stuck in a freaking blizzard and didn't get to take off until welllll after the flight was due to take off, it was pretty magical. dad and zach picked me up from the airport and an old friend of mine, ross, happened to be on my flight. his brother colin (you may remember from posts years and years ago) is an even older friend of mine, and i got to meet him and his fiancee. then i got to go home and collapse after jordan and zach caught me up on all the latest gossip and drama in their lives.
i won't go into to much detail but late the next day mary got in and it was a joyous reunion indeed. the next day was thanksgiving and her boyfriend Mark flew in for the occasion. the food was absolutely unbelievably delicious. the turkey was organic and had been soaked in brine so it had this great flavor to it. the mashed potatoes were a hassle but they were also delicious. (google:  "joel robouchon mashed potatoes" and see if it looks like fun). mom made four pies! they were all unbelievably delicious. also in attendance: my great aunt jean and some family friends, the mclellans. afterwards we had a warm fire and jordan and i went on a walk to talk about her crazy, crazy life.
friday we saw harry potter again (!!!!!!) and schlepped around. it was nice to just relax and hang out was a family. on saturday we ended up going shopping a bit and eating dinner at mi cocina in highland park village. it was so pretty. the trees were all decorated and its just such a cozy little shopping community. maybe i'll put up pictures.
sunday was a sad day because we all had to leave each other. i hate saying goodbye and for some reason this one was just so much harder than usual. i think its because not only was it a fun weekend but i knew what i was coming back to. usually, at least this semester, i haven't really moaned and groaned about going back to school. i was excited to see friends and roommates and continue on my way. but this time it was just too hard. seeing everyone in line with the utah edgy bob and the guys with the flat rimmed baseball caps... the sheer lack of creativity and individualism. i just started really getting sad. luckily my friend Morning was on my flight so she got to distract me. also difficult going back knowing i have al these papers, projects, and finals to do. and knowing i need to figure out my application to the advertising major. EEP. i'm super nervous.
well i'd best be off. i have a ton of advertising stuff due this week along with two papers in sociology. i'm tired just thinking about it. what gets me through this is knowing that in 17 days i'm flying home. and in 18 days i'm flying to paris. aaaaahhhh. it feels good just thinking about it.

:3

Well, what's to say?
My friend Melinda called me today. She went on study abroad with me to Paris and served her mission in Croatia (!!!!!! jealous!). It was so much fun talking with her again. And surprisingly non-awkward. We found stuff to talk about even though i hadn't heard from her in two years. She's coming back next semester and I think she'll be a great presence. I'm excited to see her again.
I got a wonderful letter from my friend Lauren (my first friend here) who's serving her mission in Rome. It was full of such positivity and such sound advice. Also great hearing from her.
I've been watching a LOT of Veronica Mars lately. I'd like to know why they cut the show. I had never heard about it... but it's really good. I'm super depressed there are only three seasons. Also, did anyone not guest star on this show? Seriously, everyone who's anyone pretty much had a role in the show.
My room is almost completely cleaned. Nothing feels better. Life just falls into place when you have a clean area to call your own. And it smells like vanilla, oh me oh my. I'm just so glad i live where I do. My roommates are awesome and my mom did a stellar job helping me set this room up. So I'm happy here.
In two days I fly home (yipee) and I'll get to see Mary and Mark and Jordan and Zach and Mom and Dad but not Margaret because she's still in Paris. Also I bought a new camera and it already has beautiful memories on it and I cannot wait to upload them. But I'll wait until I've cleared more space on my computer because it's already sluggish as is. Seriously, its so slow. I know it's going to die soon. Looks like I'll be in the market for a new mac.
What else happened? Melinda, Molly, and I went to Cold Stone for some ice cream. We were supposed to be having a girls night but half of us were druggedouttired and the other half were hyper. So yours truly ended up falling asleep at the very beginning of "He's Just not that Into You." I woke up about thirty minutes into it and walked myself home because I felt gross and also felt I needed the exercise.
I have been very, very, very anti-social lately. For what I'm normally like, this is weird. But I've been OK with it and not lonely. Some of it is chalked up to freaking Netflix and it's ability to ALWAYS entertain me (what the heck, all seasons of the X-Files? ya gotta be kiddin' me!) But for some reason I have no pull to try and be any more social. I know it's kind of bad of me. I'm sure there are people out there I could be helping or making happy or something like that. But for now I'm just going to be a little selfish with my me time. Because I feel like a change is approaching and I'll need all the me-time I can get. So I'll take it!
Working out is going well. Eating better? Not as much. Stop feeding me cougar tails (a doughnut here) and hot chocolate and maybe I'll have a chance! Geez guys!
So that's the past few days or so. I had my last day of working at football games. But I think I'm going to work basketball. Just for kicks. It snowed today. It was so beautiful. I'll put some photos up now.

5 Hour Energy Drink Commercial FTW

That's little Röschti on her first birthday

on a very hot summer night in downtown Dallas with my bff.

there you go. hope that was slightly less boring.

THINGS to take note on. what? why can't i speak anymore?
1. HP MIDNIT SHOWIN 2NITE. WHAAAAT? i can't believe it. i'm so excited. and our seating is assigned so we don't even have to get there crazy early. it does make me wonder, however, if that will take away from some of the excitement of it all. Because its always better when you've been waiting and waiting in line and dedicating all this time... thats when you know you really care.
2. Thanksgiving break is coming up in just a few days. Words can not express my excitement nor can they express my joy. It's just a bubbly feeling in my throat that wants to erupt in pure happiness because i'll be able to see (almost) all my family.
3. In only ONE MONTH i'll be walking the streets of paris with my sister. That is surely something to look forward to. And since i plan on purchasing a new camera before the trip, there will be plenty of great photos. At least I hope so.
4. I have worked out two days in a row. Go me. My back is sore, my arms are sore, my thighs are sore, and yet i'm still trying to kick myself into doing it again today. what IS this? what have i become. when was i the type of person that convinced myself eating a salad in a giant metal bowl and watching glee all day followed up by a nice hour long workout was my idea of a relaxing thursday? i have no idea. but i'll do it anyway.
5. All my stuff keeps going missing. Where does it go? I don't have anyone living in my room with me. Where on Earth could my shorts have possibly gone?
6. Thank heavens for mini fridges.
7. Did i mention Harry Potter was tonight?

That's all i can think of now. Happy thursday to the world and happy early weekend to me.

Hummus

Ok but that wasn't really a lie. The running shoes are on their way and with a gym membership in my hand (not actually because it's all electronic now. they scan my fingerprint ooooh!) i'm ready to really hit the ground running. i went today annnnd i forgot to stretch so i have a feeling i'll be feeling it tomorrow if you know what i mean. unfortunately my roommate made cake brownies and i may have had three too many (sigh) so that probably didn't help too much. but at least i got all that cardio in, right? counts for something.
dallas was awesome. evidence?

Right after seeing "The Hereafter." Real knee slapper, let me tell ya.

Even though the doctors visits weren't ALL good news, some of it was good. Most of the things i was worried about are now being fixed, already fixed, or on their way to being fixed. With all that behind me, I got to focus on helping my mom out and spending some quality time with the fam. My mom just got knee surgery and the kids were less than helpful, so i did what i could for her. Thinking back on it I probably could have done more, but i guess anything is better than nothing. We watched Veronica Mars together, went shopping, ate out, cleaned up a bit, and laid on her amazing bed.

is this real? who BUYS this stuff? 

I left Monday evening in a flurry of panic. I had Mi Cocina fajitas precariously resting on top of Atlas Shrugged which was resting precariously on top of some hot chocolate mix. Regardless and exhausted I got on the plane. I slept half of the flight, which was a blessing, since a storm was coming in and I think there was some turbulence. And even though i miss my family right now, i'll see them on tuesday anyway. Which is only one week away, which is nice. Also, Mary and Mark will be there, which is always a blast. Then its back to Utah and tests tests tests projects insanity finals finals Paris. Where i will hopefully find some Nutella in glass jars. My mom said all she could find was plastic. WHAT? My friend Ludwig says in Germany there's still Nutella in glass jars, but he'd have to ship it and there's those shipping costs and blah blah blah and as students neither of us is wealthy so that's a dead end.
Harry Potter midnight showing coming up in like 48 hours. Get excited.

Went halloween shopping with Cait a few weeks ago. Really?

And last but not least, on a walk a few weeks ago, this is what the town looked like. Not bad, not bad. But getting bleaker by the day. I'm not complaining for now, but when it gets to be the dead of winter... I'll only have my warm memories to hold onto.

i'm exhausted. my endocrinologist made me cry. i've cried a lot the past few days though, so i guess that's not saying much. life is just hard, you know? it's just a tough thing. i'm just going through one of those tough times.
dallas is rainy and warm and beautiful. i love this weather. its been rolling rains and windy all day and it just feels fantastic. called in some pizza tonight and watched groundhogs day while looking at the new collection on anthro (amazing) and urban (mediocre but great oversized shirts).
hopefully tomorrow we'll get to do a little shopping. not too much though.
if i lose 50 pounds i can go to thailand.
what.
hello gym membership, running shoes, and hummus.

this will be short because it's too late and i have class too early.
but what a week, eh? what an emotionally draining week! i feel like i just went on some crazy journey but i haven't even left provo. so many things have happened.
other than what's going on with my sister margaret (who's in paris), my mom got knee surgery just a few days ago. i'm going home thursday morning. not just to take care of my mom, i'll be getting more tests done, but at least i'll be able to take care of her a little bit.
today was super rainy. in a great way. it wasn't warm like texas rain, it was cold like fall rain. i love this type of rain. the clouds were so low on the mountains, they hung in such a thick gray curtain, it was so beautiful. and all the gold leaves were being plucked off the trees by the wind and carried like some precious gift to my doormat. it was glorious. even though i hardly talked today, even though most of my thoughts were to myself and i didn't do too many productive things, it was just such a great day. i walked to the grocery store. i saw my friend kelly. i saw melinda for a little while. i colored. i cooked breakfast for dinner.
i think a lot of times i just get caught up in everything important that i must, i absolutely must do, that i forget how wonderful simple things can be. like rubbing my bare feet on carpet. or finding something i thought i'd lost long ago. a dollar falling out of the dryer. a newly made bed. i always forget how absolutely intoxicating life can be.

Seven Swans.

Oh my goodness do I ever feel drained. I know that every semester I say something along the lines of "this is the most challenging semester ever." but i think this one could very well be. if not number one, its at least number two. because so much stuff is going on all the time. not necessarily academically, i'm getting by just fine academically, but mostly just personal life. family and friends and health and guys being jerks and girls being jerks and kelsey getting married and me not being able to go and nothing really working out like it should.
maybe some semester everything will just go PERFECTLY and i'll be blown away and life will be perfect. but i'm banking on probably not. so i'll just prepare myself now. but plenty of good happens all the time. let's focus on the good:
heidi kept me company as i got a late night fix of some frozen yogurt.
kelsey and i got chipotle for dinner together and she kindly paid for me. (i'm spoiled, i know).
i had lunch with jacob k. and got to vent A LOT.
talked with my mom.
mom got a facebook.
listened to sufjan and florence & the machine all day.
i got half of my room cleaned up.
i'm done with school for the rest of the weekend.
tomorrow is cait's fall party.
i get paid tomorrow (even though it won't be very much).
i get to go to paris for christmas. but more importantly, i get to see my sorella, margaret.
i go home (even though its for follow up testing) in less than one week.
i get to sleep in AS LONG AS I WANT tomorrow. first time in ages.
so those are all positive and great things. and after thinking about all of them i feel much lighter. even though people are still mean and selfish and break hearts, there is still some good out there. right?
it's just such a weird thing. i spent all summer thinking this semester would turn out a certain way. i felt like i knew what was going to happen. i had a whole idea, a whole vision planned out. and it's just so weird because not only did it go wrong, it went horribly wrong. i do this all the time, idealizing things. and that's not to say that great things haven't happened this semester. obviously wonderful things have happened. but everything i felt would go right most certainly didn't. i didn't find love, almost all my family moved away, friendships fell apart (although unlikely ones were strengthened). i didn't have crazy roommates (i'm not complaining) like i thought i would. i haven't studied or exercised like i thought i would. test results came out way differently than i expected. i didn't adapt to medications as well as i thought i would. etc. etc. etc. you know? everything is changing. but i don't feel the same. i feel different every day. ohhh, you know what it must be? it must be that its fall. once it starts melting into winter that's when the real concern should rise. because year after year i always get sad in winter. the days are so short and its so cold out and i always feel isolated and weird and alone. and i always attribute this to being single, but that's not really fair, because i can make myself however happy or sad i want.
it's like kurt cobain says. i miss the comfort in being sad.
sure that may sound angsty but i'll take it for now. because maybe i'm just in that kind of a mood.!
oh sometimes i am just too moody for my own good.

sufjan.

Just got back from the Sufjan Steven's concert. It was so amazing. There is no way to describe it. That or the Jonsi concert. This concert was just like. So raw. You could tell this was something he had really wanted to do. It was literally like he sliced off pieces of his soul and put them in CD form and sold them to the world saying, "here, take this, i want you to feel this. i want you to understand."
I felt like so many of the songs applied to me. And at first the "Age of Adz" album seemed too different. I didn't know if I could handle it. But after that concert, after hearing him talk about it and the inspirations behind it and the process of developing it, i couldn't help but fall in love with the whole thing. So much good music in so little time! It's crazy.
In other news, the world is falling apart. I literally do not understand what drives people to think certain ways. The lines people cross, the motives behind people's friendships, why girl code is blatantly betrayed in the name of a guy. Why there are so many horrible people out there that hurt such good people. I'm having less and less patience with it. It's a weird point in my life because I'm becoming more patient in some ways, but in other ways I am losing tolerance with ignorant behavior. I just think everyone should be much more conscious of their actions and who they could affect and how said actions could possibly offend.
Anyway, tonight was fun. We ate at the Red Iguana in SLC before the show. It's a good mexican restaurant, but I still like Mi Cocina more.
I miss my family. I miss Mary and Margaret and I wish I could see them. I want to go to New York City and Paris and be with them and laugh and not have to think about anything or anyone or how hurt I feel all the time.