happy 950th post, self. oh wait, not. not a happy day. not a happy thing. please, allow to tell you.
monday=ER SUCK DANG IT. stomach still hurts. still don't know everything that is wrong with my body.
last sunday = margaret moves away
saturday =  heart broken and also loss of a good friend, it seems.
today = i fail at self control. cool.

holy hannah

we are coming up on 950 posts next time. that is crazy. what has been going on:
rebekah turned 21. her roommates threw her a party. they had fondue and i don't remember much of the party because i was really sick.
melinda and i went to india fest. it was such a glorious day because the sun was shining so brilliantly and the smells and music were so rich. we sat in the temple for a while and then lay on the grass and rolled around and it was great.
monday night i was in the ER. it was very memorable. melinda and her sister took care of me and the nurse aid justin was super hot and my doctor was INSANE. two doses of morphine didn't cover the pain! i wanted more!
missed lots and lots of class. slept a ton.
got some extra work hours in, which were way easy. had j-lunch with jacob k. and jacob m. it was fun but short lived because everyone had something to do. (except me). like, jacob k. had to meet with a teacher, and jacob m. had to go camping with his mom.
today i have work. BLAH. it will be a very long evening, i already know it. full of lots of standing and complaining customers. but it will be worth it. hopefully i can work a different stand.
what else. i go home next thursday for more medical testing. margaret is in paris and i miss her a lot. i'm way behind in school and sort of don't know how to catch up.
my abdomen still hurts. and so does my heart. WAH.

POINTLESS.

do you ever think you're being way way way way waaaaaaayyy too obvious about something but either it a) wasn't obvious enough or b) realize that the only reason the person hasn't reciprocated or acted on those feelings is because they just don't like you?

worst. thing. ever. 

you know, i thought i was doing much better this semester, but i think i've regressed.

i'm sick. and i'm kind of depressed which is pretty ominous because it's not even wintertime yet. and every other area in my life is really confusing right now, too. 

i wish one area of my life could go well.

julia 

the week of death

this has been an extremely challenging week. it started out on a great note, which is good, because if it hadn't, i don't know where i'd be now. we had regional conference for church, so we got to hear from several general authorities. that plus the fireside that night = spiritual bliss. i was so happy.
every day after sunday was really stressful. after all my classes and everything, margaret and i settled down for our last night together. after a del taco/ t-bell binge, we went to my house, watched some MSW, and fell asleep.t
tuesday, yesterday, was the bane of my existence. after all my classes, i drove margaret and all her bags and her dog... up to salt lake. there, we went shopping at anthro, ran some errands, and ate at a greek restaurant. we ended up at john's mother in law's house. there we unloaded everything into her house. i laid down on the couch and just played with roschti and got more and more depressed. eventually i had to leave. margaret and the dog came out to the car with me. i immediately started crying. then when margaret started crying i started crying more. then i got in my car and literally sobbed the forty miles back to salt lake city. then i cried again. and again. then we went to a friend's surprise birthday party. afterwards i got pretty happy. i was distracted!
we sat around and talked, laughed, and then jacob m. stole my purse and then we smashed a microwave. then i got my purse back and rebekah melinda and i went to go get food. then rebekah slept over. and then today was long because today is just a long class day and i'm not done until 630. the weekend isn't lightening up either. i still have tons to do and catch up on. i haven't written in my journal in forever, i really have to go to the bank, visit my adopted grandmother, visit friends i've neglected, write letters to missionaries, read my scriptures, organize and clean my room etc. etc etc.!!!!!!!!!
so i'm tired! and i have this paper to finish (although the book is very good, its for sociology and it's called the very persistent gappers of frip. read it!) so i probably should go.
oh and tonight we watched a japanese movie at international cinema (justin, rebekah, melinda, me, and two girls i don't know very well). it was called ping-pong and i loved it.
also the week was bad because i felt fat and all of my friends are getting asked on dates but me so i feel even uglier and even more embarrassed by my simple existence! i hate my thyroid.

I don't really know how it happened because it just sort of crept upon me, but autumn is here! I was a little hesitant and sad about summer ending this year, but i have a feeling this fall will be one to remember.
I love my roommates so much. They are perfect for me. All (3) of them are fun, down-to-earth and chatty, but not clingy and invasive. It's exactly what i need and what i've been looking for. My church's ward is very active and its pretty incredible how often things are going on. Also, our apartment signed up for a food group, so every monday through thursday we have a cooked meal to depend on. It's a great idea and lots of fun. I'm excited to get to know everyone more!
I'm also excited for this weather. Today i walked onto campus and it was windy and chilled. There are a handful of trees on the mountains that have already turned red and gold and it's a beautiful thing to see! I'm ready to buy baby pumpkins, get delicious foods cooking in the oven, and settling into our cozy home!
Mostly i just really want to move to New England! I feel like the seasons there are more defined and people are a little more old-fashioned in their patriotism. I'm probably romanticizing this a little bit, but New England is just a great place to be! I want to move there as soon as I possibly can. Do a little town on the edge of a sea, where I can wear cable knit sweaters all day and be among beautiful things.
Other than my daydreaming about moving east, I've been busy busy busy. I'm being very diligent about my homework and social life. I'm seeing all my old friends again and trying to push myself to be more social, more kind, more approachable. I also want to get really good grades this semester, and I really REALLY want to get into the advertising major.
What else is going on? I'm ready to get settled in. Margaret is moving on wednesday and I'm going in and out of being really sad about it. We've gotten a lot closer the past few months and I hate to say goodbye. But maybe it will be good for me. Maybe something better will come along the way?
Reason #2 I need a husband: so i have someone to watch Murder, She Wrote with me.

so these past few weeks have been super insane, there is no way around that. i went home for the weekend because there were some really cheap tickets from here, so i got to see my family for a few days. it was fun and at the same time really stressful. i loved the time i was able to spend with my mom. my dad was busy doing this work project the entire time i was there so i didn't get to see him very much. jordan and zach didn't seem really interested, so i didn't see them very much. but i had a great time and i love my home and my family and it feels so good to be with them.
and then i got a call from my doctor. not only to i have a fatty liver but i have a failure thyroid, sugar, mutated blood, and high testosterone and sugar. COOL. so i have to get medicines and figure out all my hormone imbalances and all this stuff.
today was my first day at work. i only work every other saturday, basically, because i work at the football games. but it was so insanely hot and i was on my feet for seven hours which was killer and now i just really need a foot massage: reason number one i need a husband.
yesterday i got to see kelsey. she and i picked out her invitations for her wedding. it felt exciting to me because i felt really important. it felt good to know that my opinion mattered and that i'd see the result of our ideas when it arrives in the mail. its also kind of depressing because i don't care what anyone says, once a friend is married/ engaged, everything changes. you pretty much lose that friend.
then margaret and i got lunch together, at the rio, and then walked her dog to my friends house. rebekah came over to relax and try to get over a tough break up. i tried to distract her and help her as best i could. she fell asleep on my bed (its really easy to do) and so she ended up sleeping over for the second day in a row.
my classes are alright. i LOVE my intro to advertising class and i like my sociology class alright. my media writing class will be the death of me and my mission prep class is interesting if not a bit overwhelming. the homework for all these classes is really intense, so that's probably what the most difficult thing is. my dad told me to be more social this semester, slash he gave me a blessing that said that i needed to do that. but now i'm having trouble balancing all my friends. i haven't done any of the homework that i need to have done for this week. GRR!!! there is always so much to do.
i had a dream and my grandpa jones (who is dead) was in it. it was very weird.
anyway, last night or the other night, i can't remember, i thought about margaret leaving and i freaked out. i've had her here ALWAYS and i'm really starting to worry about her leaving and me being here alone. i HATE not having family around. its the worst.
well, that's about it. my life isn't all that interesting these days. i miss having a life though. i mean, i'm seeing people, i'm going to classes and church and everything, but i don't do anything artistic, i don't take pictures, i don't go to exhibits. i have to kick my OWN butt cause no one else is going to do it for me.