I'm tired. i'm going home in about five days and this last week should be relaxing but its just not. i'm driving up to cait's wedding. a lot of people are asking me why i'm going... wouldn't it just be easier to stay here and just skip out? but i would not want someone giving up on me if i were getting married. its the best an worst thing about me... i'm fiercely loyal to the ones i love. and sheer laziness or wanting to just hang out with people my last few days before going home sounds like what it is-- taking the easy way out.
so i'm driving to oregon soon. and it very well might be alone. hopefully my friend evann will be able to join me. if she can't, i'll be making a 13 hour drive alone (don't tell my mom!). which could be really enlightening but in my mind all i can imagine is listening to the same songs over and over and getting tired of singing after a few hours and then getting tired of thinking after another hour and then losing my mind after about 5 or so. its not even the company i long for, its just knowing that there is somebody sitting next to me. its comfortable knowing that there is someone there in case you need anything.
the other day i realized something that really bothers me. i've had a lot of incredible opportunities in my life. oftentimes they are opportunities most people dream of- travel. i've been able to go a lot of places in the world. it's something that has become a part of me, like how ballet can take over a dancers life or the market takes over a businessman's. travel and i just go hand in hand. i will jump at any opportunity i can find. my parents have been good to me. they have supported me over the years, and given me pretty much anything i've ever wanted. in a small town like provo with a high population of college kids, you get a grab bag of people. some of them are wealthy, some of them are snobs, some of them are dirt poor, some are somewhere in between. i often hang out with people who have no money. i think this is because they have less attitude. my family and i have grown in very unusual environments. money does not come easily, though a lot of people seem to think our life is pretty nice, it has been hard. so i know what its like to think you're going to lose everything, and i know what its like to have everything. and the attitude you get from wealthier people is such that they think, oftentimes, that they are somehow better than everyone else because they have money. this is not true.
but what my point is, what really bothers me, is when i hang out with people who don't know me. and somehow or another the conversation will lead to how i know this person or where i got that shirt or some such thing. i'm always put in an awkward situation. travel is something i love, but i am very young to have been all the places i've been able to go and live in. so i try to casually talk about it or move the conversation away. "holy cow, is your dad an oil baron?" "oh man, are you guys millionaires!?" "did you inherit a ton of money or something? you're so rich! i wish i could be rich. want to give me some money?" i've had this responses many times before. and it makes me really uncomfortable. i think it makes me uncomfortable because actually, my dad really isn't that wealthy. i know very wealthy people and those people are not my family. it makes me uncomfortable because its out of my control and its not something i like talking about. but oftentimes these new acquaintances will go on for a long time about how lucky i am, or how spoiled i am, or point out this or that about me. i feel alienated and weird when it happens. i much prefer them asking questions about my travel, asking for advice, talking about different areas or people. even stories. i'd love to tell stories about all the crazies i've met and the weird/ scary things i've experienced. but for some reason all some people can take away from it is MONEY. which is stupid. money is stupid.
that being said, there is no reason to dress poorly and there is no reason for people to be lazy at work. represent yourself well! you can find cute clothes on any budget.
anyway. that aside.


tonight is the Twilight Saga: Eclipse midnight showing. Rebekah and I will be attending. and waiting in line way before the movie starts because THAT is what you DO. i'm pretty excited. If anything it looks like its shot beautifully and even if we have another catherine hardwick nightmare on our hands (which is doubtful), at least it will be pretty to look at.
anyway, that is all i can think of. evann and her friend.. jason maybe? and i all went to eat at india palace for lunch. it was good, as usual, and overly filling. as usual. the sun is shining and the ice cream truck is chiming down the street. i'm going to have another glass of pineapple coconut juice (only L&A, it is the BEST, go out and get some now) and read Eat Pray Love.

Provo, for a LIMITED TIME ONLY!!!!!!

Ok. OK. so here is the dealio. i'm in provo now, currently. i got here about a week ago with my mom and she and i set about trying to move all the CRAP FURNITURE around in my room and move some legitimate things in. Ikea and target were very much our friends that week, as was the nordstrom where mom and i replenished some necessary make-up. we got a lot done in my room but not all of it, so i have some boxes and organization left to do. but here's the deal. here's the DEAL.
when i drove my mom to the airport i was crying all day. like, for no reason. i cried at the grocery store, i cried at sundance, i cried at five guys, and i definitely cried at the airport. it was for shiz a tearfest. i realized that there was no REAL REASON i was here. i'm taking one class.. one class that's available fall term. and while i will miss some quality time with some friends, summer time is not an infinite thing. i won't always be able to go home and live with my family and do the things i love. someday i will have to settle down in a city and start my own life. and there won't always be summer vacations at home. so, while i'm still capable and while jordan and zach are still in school, i'm going to go home. i want to help mom out and be with them and eat at mico and all that good stuff. and i'll come back fall term. anyway, my phone charger was somewhere in the postal world and i had no phone so as soon as i talked with mom she said that dad said i could come home if the tuition could be refunded. it could, at an 85% rate, which isn't too bad. we wouldn't lose that much money so mom said to go ahead and do it. so i'm withdrawing from my one class and i'm getting ready to go home. i'll still make it to my friend cait's wedding. but i will miss my two jacobs' welcome home talks. oh well. you can't have your cake and eat it too (holiday in the sun reference....)
so now i've got a few weeks to kill where i have nothing to do. i've watched a lot of hulu. i've gone to nordstrom quite a few times just to get make-overs done. and i saw toy story 3 (IN 3-D) which was actually a lot better than i thought it would be. and pretty cute. other than that... i cannot wait to get home and see my family. and... i cannot wait for eclipse to come out in like 6 days!!!! bahahadghadhgahdgadglk! it will be so good. except from the looks of it, kristen stewart has an awful wig and rosalie looks weirdly hispanic/ awkward. but what's new.

new york, dallas, goodbye

so on saturday mary and i went to coney island. admittedly at first i was not excited. somewhere in my mind i thought it would somehow be stuck in the 40's or 30's when it was still clean cut and full of american fun and band music. regardless, i really, really enjoyed my time with mary. we walked the pier, we went on a merry-go-round (ok we snuck on), we got nachos with TONS of cheese, went on the famous wheel of wonder and finally went on the sea serpent "roller coaster." i use this term lightly because it was for like, four or five year olds. but there i was in line, biting my nails and asking the guy tearing the tickets if it was a scary ride. instead of rolling his eyes and reprimanding me for my immaturity (ie woman at disney world you know who you are), he said, "we are all different. some people don't think so some do. you'll be fine." so, in typical nervous julia way, i start telling everyone in line how scared i am. eventually a line of people were there telling me i could do it. it looped around three times. and it went pretty slow, admittedly, but i screamed anyway. the second time around, the entire line was cheering me on and shouting my name. it was a beautiful moment in time, coney island coming together for me. fond memories. mary and i also went to the photo booth and took pictures together. then, we got corn dogs, hot dogs, and yummy fries and sat down on the beach and talked before finally going back to manhattan. there mary, mark, mary south and i all went out for dinner and then watched "warriors" in mary's room. it was epic.
sunday we went to church and mary taught a great lesson. it was rainy and we were supposed to meet some of mary and mark's friends from new zealand at gramaldi's under the brooklyn bridge for some pizza. but they cancelled. so mary and i decided it was a good day to order in. we each got a pizza from dominos, some cheese bread, AND cinni stix PLUS a two liter of coke. of course we ate it all, even though we were sick as dogs afterwards. we watched TV and did general sister bonding.
monday was my last day which was a total bummer. we had so much fun though. mary took the day off work. she and i stayed in and watched some more TV, "tales from the darkside" which were incredible. then we met my friend erica from oxford tradition and we all ate some delcicious chicken and biscuits and pie from brooklyn's "pies n' thighs." i recommend it a great deal. then we went to a photo booth in brooklyn and all took photos together. i have a thing for photo booths. then we went into town and went shopping down broadway. erica left after we went to all saints and mary and i stopped in starbucks to put on our new swag before going through china town to catch a train back to brooklyn. we met mark, kelsey, and cousin brooke in line for some grimaldi's. ate dinner (found a sausage casing in my pizza. not cool), and then mary, mark, and i got some cookie dough from a nearby grocery store. on the way back to mary's house i cried on the subway and felt like an idiot. but the week had been dreamlike and i genuinely didn't want to leave her. mary makes me feel so great, positive, happy. also, i loved the freedom in new york. you can wear whatever you want and it doesn't matter because you know there is someone on the street dressed crazier than you. and in provo if you wear the wrong COLOR people stare. its awful.
tuesday morning we watched holmes on homes and mary walked me to the williamsburg bridge where i caught a taxi. i cried and cried and cried. also, the cab driver ripped me off. i got into dallas and bonnie (mary's friend from high school) picked me up. we went shopping at northpark and it was really, really fun. we got lunch and then she dropped me off so my dad could pick me up. its been a fun few days with just my dad and brother. also, got another letter from jacob k. which was unexpected.
so tomorrow i leave for utah. which is weird and this summer went by much too quickly. but i have a lot of plans for this summer that should make it exciting. we shall see.

BOSTONNEWYORKGOODBYES

ok i really do have wayyyy too much should have posted long ago. first of all... trip to boston was a great success!! we all had a total blast. mary came down from new york on the infamous china town bus. we got dericious challah, bagels, and pizzer. we got to go along the freedom trail, went to the harbor, went shopping, visited faneuil hall (a MUST of course! a childhood fav!). we also got to visit dad's beloved harvard medical school (where we got plenty of swag). we were all so happy there, i can't even describe it. everyone was nicer, happier, and just generally had a good attitude. jordan did have to study for exams, though. oh and we ate at such delicious italian restaurants in the north end. antico forno = SO GROOD, and the best place for cannoli? easily, mike's pastry.
after we got home to dallas, mary and mark came down for a weekend. it was a total blast and we all hated saying goodbye. it's always good to have mary around since she balances my crazy but also lets my quirk shine. an important balance. we filled her up on plenty of naughty and unhealthy foods. all in good fun. mary left and then i got to go to the UNC v UC Berklee baseball game. which was at OU. so of course, logically, the only way to get there was by plane!!! courtney, annie, caroline and i all flew up there. it was SO great but SO scary. did something i was afraid of though, which made me feel good. i made it through! i did something scary!
then, obv, i came to new york. this trip has been such a whirlwind of fun there is no way to describe it. i got to meet mary and kelsey on the first day for lunch. i got to go shopping down broadway and fell in loooove with this british store "all saints." we all want to buy everything they have in the store. there are like, probably one or two locations in the US. and of course, prices are from $60-$300, but for the incredible design, i'd say its well worth it.
mary showed me around the area and i walked back with her to know where she works. i then wandered the city (in the pouring rain i might add). found mary, visited a few stores in brooklyn, ate mexican for dinner. mexican in new york = weird weird weird.
chloe came to visit me! i haven't seen chloe since we parted ways at oxford in 2005. so much has happened in both of our lives, it was crazy visiting with her! totally surreal but wonderful. we met at the MoMa which was so artistic and beautiful of us. saw starry starry night, my childhood van gogh favorite. we then ate pizza and went shopping with mary. after dropping chloe off, mary and i met our cousin brooke in time square (which is always so glamorous) for a miniature dinner and desserts at junior's. we got back SO LATE. today was crazy long and fun, too. mark and i went shopping together and then, as we were both tired, went to McJ books and cafe and just chilled until mary could make it to lunch. afterwards, i met kelsey outside of balthazar's (wonderful and traditional french cafe) and we went to the guggenheim (closed so early!) and then to 30 rockefeller plaza. obvi. we met mary's friend anna o'brien there. we all went to anthro but i wasn't too impressed, and then we at at pop burger's off of 5th ave which serves super tiny burgers that are pretty good. we went back to anna's place after cutting through central park and we watched holiday in the sun. mary was not as excited about it as i thought she should be.
tomorrow is cony island. so much fun and joy.