I'm tired. i'm going home in about five days and this last week should be relaxing but its just not. i'm driving up to cait's wedding. a lot of people are asking me why i'm going... wouldn't it just be easier to stay here and just skip out? but i would not want someone giving up on me if i were getting married. its the best an worst thing about me... i'm fiercely loyal to the ones i love. and sheer laziness or wanting to just hang out with people my last few days before going home sounds like what it is-- taking the easy way out.
so i'm driving to oregon soon. and it very well might be alone. hopefully my friend evann will be able to join me. if she can't, i'll be making a 13 hour drive alone (don't tell my mom!). which could be really enlightening but in my mind all i can imagine is listening to the same songs over and over and getting tired of singing after a few hours and then getting tired of thinking after another hour and then losing my mind after about 5 or so. its not even the company i long for, its just knowing that there is somebody sitting next to me. its comfortable knowing that there is someone there in case you need anything.
the other day i realized something that really bothers me. i've had a lot of incredible opportunities in my life. oftentimes they are opportunities most people dream of- travel. i've been able to go a lot of places in the world. it's something that has become a part of me, like how ballet can take over a dancers life or the market takes over a businessman's. travel and i just go hand in hand. i will jump at any opportunity i can find. my parents have been good to me. they have supported me over the years, and given me pretty much anything i've ever wanted. in a small town like provo with a high population of college kids, you get a grab bag of people. some of them are wealthy, some of them are snobs, some of them are dirt poor, some are somewhere in between. i often hang out with people who have no money. i think this is because they have less attitude. my family and i have grown in very unusual environments. money does not come easily, though a lot of people seem to think our life is pretty nice, it has been hard. so i know what its like to think you're going to lose everything, and i know what its like to have everything. and the attitude you get from wealthier people is such that they think, oftentimes, that they are somehow better than everyone else because they have money. this is not true.
but what my point is, what really bothers me, is when i hang out with people who don't know me. and somehow or another the conversation will lead to how i know this person or where i got that shirt or some such thing. i'm always put in an awkward situation. travel is something i love, but i am very young to have been all the places i've been able to go and live in. so i try to casually talk about it or move the conversation away. "holy cow, is your dad an oil baron?" "oh man, are you guys millionaires!?" "did you inherit a ton of money or something? you're so rich! i wish i could be rich. want to give me some money?" i've had this responses many times before. and it makes me really uncomfortable. i think it makes me uncomfortable because actually, my dad really isn't that wealthy. i know very wealthy people and those people are not my family. it makes me uncomfortable because its out of my control and its not something i like talking about. but oftentimes these new acquaintances will go on for a long time about how lucky i am, or how spoiled i am, or point out this or that about me. i feel alienated and weird when it happens. i much prefer them asking questions about my travel, asking for advice, talking about different areas or people. even stories. i'd love to tell stories about all the crazies i've met and the weird/ scary things i've experienced. but for some reason all some people can take away from it is MONEY. which is stupid. money is stupid.
that being said, there is no reason to dress poorly and there is no reason for people to be lazy at work. represent yourself well! you can find cute clothes on any budget.
anyway. that aside.


tonight is the Twilight Saga: Eclipse midnight showing. Rebekah and I will be attending. and waiting in line way before the movie starts because THAT is what you DO. i'm pretty excited. If anything it looks like its shot beautifully and even if we have another catherine hardwick nightmare on our hands (which is doubtful), at least it will be pretty to look at.
anyway, that is all i can think of. evann and her friend.. jason maybe? and i all went to eat at india palace for lunch. it was good, as usual, and overly filling. as usual. the sun is shining and the ice cream truck is chiming down the street. i'm going to have another glass of pineapple coconut juice (only L&A, it is the BEST, go out and get some now) and read Eat Pray Love.