ha ha! i am at school and i have play practice from 345 to 800. darn it. but katie got a new cell phone that i voice activated, so we'll play with that when we're bored. and we have dinner at 400. darn it! i don't eat dinner that early. i'll come home hungry. i got some weird email from smith. no bloody idea what he's talking about, but i expect a response sometime soon, or i'll ask him. no worries. Life is hectic, but fine. i'm worried about mary, slightly, but not enough for her to be concerned about me being concerned aobut her. i know she's all good. gotta go. i have a stupid pumpkin decorating project. darn the pumpkin ness.
Jules

well, margaret wasn't at there house. mhmm... again, julia is mistaken. she was errr... i forget, but she wasn't there. anyway, mom and dad get in tommorow, and i am so excited. my life will be back to normal. and i won't have to watch twice the amount of kids. anyway, its been an exciting week. i mean, not school wise, but play practice wise, because we perform next week. can you believe that i am actually scared to say two lines? but i have to say them with energy! gosh, i hate that cheesy look they make you wear. i mean, we sing "hooverville" which starts out, "today we're living in a shanty, today we're scrounging for a meal" and we're supposed to be smiling and vigorous when we sing. does that make any sense? i think not. anyway, i better go. i just had like four eggos and i'm feeling kinda woozy.
Julia

I am in a whir of confusment. I know that mary said i shouldn't care about smith, but we went over to visit them the other day, you know, to take them out to dinner, and tonight margaret came into the room. i asked her simply and kindly, sort of randomly, where she was going, because she seemed to be... ready to go somewhere. and she said, no not at all, that she was working on some papers. i go to ask her a question 5 minutes later, and i'm calling her name. she doesn't answer. so i go to look outside, and lo and behold, her car is gone. so, i'm trying to get all this advice for rain music, so i call the most music-est person i know who should be home, smith, and their not there. i'm guessing she went out again tonight. which makes me sad, because she should've told me the truth. she just yelled at me about lying and about her being violated, when she goes and violates me. it's simply not right.
I have to wake up very early tommorow because i have play practice at 830AM. i don't think i'll make it there on time. Better go, i've got to make my CD.
Julia

I don't know why i keep on feeling like i should post on my blog. but i do. Margaret is out having lunch. i asked if she was taking the missionaries and she said no, but i don't believe her. i then asked her if she was lying to me and she said no, and she said that she had never lied to me. HA thats a joke.
Antoinette called today to see how i was doing, and i thought that was very nice of her. She wanted to know why i wasn't at school, and i explained that i was sick. i still don't know if i should go tommorow. i'm very torn.
margaret=confusing
Mary just told me she called all depressed like. i never know with her, because she won't talk to me, and she hides too often to find out if anything is wrong. for all i know, she's in her room listening to creepy music, lighting candles, and writing poetry. creepy
www.capitalistmafia.blogspot.com=cool
just talked to mary again. she's like my physciatrist, without a day to day talking/emailing with her, it's hard. she knows lots of stuff, so i try and listen. this time i was complaining about being a doormat. i used to like a lot of people, and the longer their gone, the more i realize how mean they've been to me, and how many bloody favours i do for them but don't get in return, and how rude they can be, and how they disregard rules, and how they don't realize how their words affect people. you know? i'm bloody sick of talking about them, i'm bloody sick of putting up with the junk they tell me, and how RUDE they are to me a lot of the times. sure it's great when i get a day when theyre nice, but 89% of the time, they treat my like a load of rubbish. ah, the beauty of realizing this, is such a great thing. thank goodness for breaks.
Jules

Today i'm sick. well, this morning i didn't feel good, i felt like i would vomit, and i got NO sympathy from margaret. so, i'm getting better, but kerri wants me to stay home tommorow to help with the kids. she said she'd call the school and everything. i don't know yet, what i'm going to do. i feel like i'm on my own in this house. no one to talk to, and no one understands. i talked to my friends brother last night. he wasn't nice at all. he even said, "away with you foul wench!!!" i thought he was nice last year. but it's ok, i don't like him at all in that way. he was very mean, and he lost any respect that i might of had for him. moving on, i'm baking cookies right now. the sky looks like it should be in chicago, and i love it. i want to go and visit mary up north, and see her new dorm, and go to gios, urban outfitters, pannera, and the converse store nearby. evanston is the coolest, and people from northwestern rock! mom and dad come home in six days, and today is my half birthday. i think kerri is trying to sneak pills out of the house and that = no good. i hope not, because i thought she was really cool. i better go. before she comes in here, julia

school=fun
after the horrible french and history class, my advisory decided to have a pizza party. so, for lunch today i had "cinni sticks" cheese pizza and coke. ah, the goodness. after that, i went to play practice, where i did scenes from the radio show, let's go to the movies and a new deal for christmas. In between the play, antoinette, caroline, katie and i all goofed off throwing food at eachother and listening to music. i killed a huge and scary bug with orange legs. it was sick. then i talked with some other "pops" (the popular people, they came over most likely because we had food) and they started looking through my CD case and saying how great weezer was and how they loved phantom planet. sure, i'm sure they really love phantom planet (sarcasim is the key to understanding my blog.) so anyway, all day i thought about how people i don't know very well care about me (i.e. mark, and mary's other friends) while people at home who do know me well are evil to me (i.e. margaret, smith) about things such as, me needing to call the orthodontist and having margaret and smith say (when i say i'm going to go) "it's ok, just push mute again" like i'm listening to their conversation. ha! like they ever talk about anything productive, i'm sure! mark, i do very much appriciate that you care about me, that's like a symbolic blanket being laid over me, knowing that someone cares. i really do need more hugs! but it's all good. my friends are awesome, and grades are good. mom and dad are safe in rome, and mary's discussion avec moi was very supportive because it showed me that i should be independent. thanks mar. so anyway, i'm hopefully a better person. unless this is a phase, but i don't think it is. better go,
later,
Jules

thank you mark, for helping me snap back into reality and realize that this is not a drama show (and thank you to mary too). sorry if i've seemed a little out of sorts. i'm pretty mad at margaret because she won't work at all, and it's upsetting me that she can get away with that.
i made cookies today but i burnt them. darn my bad timing
i don't want to go to school tommorow. that means that i have to wake up, and be nice to people and smile a lot. it also means that i have to obey a dress uniform code. darn it.
i'm going to go watch clock stoppers.
julia

well, mom and dad are in rome right now, so kerri, my aunt is babysitting. she has some anger problems, so she got kind of angry at the missionaries because they "wouldn't work at all" but what makes me angry, is that my mom told her that they wouldn't be helping around the house a lot, and that they just slump around. and so they won't be coming back until mom does! whatever. i went shopping with antoinette and caroline and it was really fun. but while i was at the mall, i realized how fat i've let myself get, so now i have to work out and try to eat healthy and all that. only problem is, there's no time, and mom won't let me jog outside because i might get raped or something. anyway, i got the "my best friends wedding" soundrack, and margaret says that i've sold out. whatever, i think its good. anyway, i better go, because i have SO much to do.
Julia

so, i'm happy, i'm hyper, and i'm going to take a shower, and afterwards, i'll STRAIGTHEN my hair. oh yes, straighten it. the beauty. i'll be so bored tonight. actually, theres a ton of stuff that i could do. i mean, i could write in my journal, take a long shower for once, blowdry and then straighten my hair, clean my room, do my laundry, email people, clean out margarets car, burn CD's, download songs, get stuff together... oh yeah! that's what i was going to say! the reason i'm so happy is because mom said that i could go on a road trip with her and zack. a bonding experience! i love stuff like that! the missionaires might come too, they decide tonight. anyway, thats why i'm so happy. i love driving in the car. i listen to music, i look at the sceanery (spelling?) i eat food, i watch movies, but mostly listen to music. if i could find my cross stiching, i would so do that, but some how it's dissapeared. anyway. thats my story. mom comes in tonight, at 1030, so i'll probably see her. i'll watch a movie or something. anyway, i should probably go. there's much to do!
Julia

ah, i didn't wake up at six, my sister let me sleep in until 640! she came home with the missionaries. things between me and smith are lightening up, but i don't know that for sure. he finally broke up with jessica, and her response was, in my opinion, really funny. but i won't say, in case of getting in trouble with someone. anyway, not much else is going on. this is my last day of school, b/c i don't go tommorow, b/c it's grandparents day, so i'm staying at home and babysitting until my aunt kerri comes. she's cool, mom calls her my twin because we both have tempers and we both have the same sarcasm. yes, it should be fun tommorow. i'm going to do my laundy, if only i could figure out what to wash white with and what to wash the colours with. anyway, since i'm at school i'd better go..
Jules

too tired to write. must take shower, and must wake up at 600. its 1022

i'm also sick of being happier at school than at home. and i know that i have already stated this, but, hey what the heck, its really fedding me up. i have play practice that is way intense this week, i want to scream but i can't. i want the world to dissolve away for just a little bit, and let me run around and do whatever i want without a stare, or without a look of confusment. i just want to be me, but i feel like i'm constrained in a straight jacket at home. at school i have so much fun with my friends. we work together, we talk, we walk, we shop, and do all that fun stuff. i get home. the missionaries are there, and i'm sick of wanting to be smiths best friend, i'm sick of competing with margaret, i'm sick of late nights, i'm sick of crying, i'm sick of missing mary, and i want to move to new york, just find some apartment, settle down and get a job, or something like that. i'm sick of this horrible weather, i'm sick of stupid people, i'm sick of all it. i just want to curl up in a ball and cry, but i don't have the time, because i've got a french and history test on wedensday, i have to get makeup for the play, bring fresh clothes for the play, clean my room, do my homework, go to all the play practices, write in my journal, take a shower, study for something else, and all those other stupid things that i have to do. i'm sick of not being me.

i'm sick of sucking up to people, and being miss, " hey, can you do me a favor?" i'm sick of running errands, i'm sick of having fights with margaret, patterson, and i'm sick of getting in fights with smith, especially because they are lop sided. i'm sick of having to watch myself with everything that i say, and i'm sick of coming home happy, and going to school depressed. i'm also

this week has been ok. i'm still trying to figure out why smith hates me, but other than that, things were OK. dad's mother died, and i feel so sorry for him, because his eyes are all teary, and he never cries. so, i don't know how to handle the situation. anyway, i'm having more fun than at home, which i find odd, because your supposed to feel more comfortable at home. but i don't, i just worry about getting ridiculed for something or other, and about blah blah blah. i hate the feeling. anyway, i'd better go. later.

not much has happened. katie went to church with me, actually she slept over and then we went to church and yes. she got to meet every one there and things like that.

just after lunch. ate a plate of cheese ravioli, and one penut butter and jelly sandwhich. it was fun. i like to eat. the only reason i'm talking about this, is because i'm bored, and don't want to go to pe next
julia

being hyper is really fun. because you get to laugh! a lot! ha ha! i can't wait for harry potter to come! hee hee!

today i'm at school and i am really hyper. why? i don't know.
hee hee hee!
hee hee! hee hee hee!

well, yesterday and today (will) suck. i heard my sisters conversation through our paper thin walls, and it wasn't good, because it was about julia's "wierdness" and how i went to the grocery store yesterday and brought the kids just "because i was jealous that margaret might have a good time" and how i "had a major crush on rowbothom" and was this "news to you?"yes, and this morning she was asking me what my problem was, and she wouldn't leave me alone after asking a mill, thou, hundred times not to ask because i didn't want to say. so anyway, i told her that she couldn't solve anything unless she would buy padded walls. and she asked if i thought i was crazy. and i said no i don't think that i am crazy, but i can hear through the wall. and she obviously didn't catch on to that so i told her to think harder, like say last night and she said ohhh. and then she explained that smith and patterson were upset because i "tagged along with them to the grocery store" and how smith talks to me like a child and margaret like a ho older person. i am going to go now, because i am at school, and i have class like now ish.
Jules

I love my sister. ah, the missionaries were over today, you see. and around them she's nice and cheery and does things with out complaint. although the minute they leave, "julia! your not done with the kitchen!" "julia, get out here NOW" "JULIA!" ughh... so anyway, today was OK. i thought that i was going to have to stay home from school because of lack of sleep, but i pulled through OK. antoinette, caroline, katie, and i read a fashion mag. that had lots of really cool stuff in it. i've been leaving katie out a lot, and for that i am sorry.
i have to go and clean the kitchen, so more later.

i probably shouldn't have said all of those things yesterday. i was really depressed, so yeah. thats my story. i'm in school in the writing lab with anotinette and caroline, and we have to go find my shoes.
JULES

i hate today. i want to die. it was alright in the beginning of the day, until margaret said that scott had some stupid song thing at saint marks. so, she asks mom to take her. well it sounded like fun, and i wanted to go, so at the beginning of dinner i asked if i could go. the response was no. so i clean up, work hard, and want to watch a movie like we did last sunday. when margaret gets the idea that she wants to bring the missionaries along. yah! my day just got ruined. so, smith and patterson and mom and margaert all get to go to this stupid thing, leaving me at home with a bunch of sleeping kids, and my father who has to do stupid college applications. i know that it is a stupid thing to cry my eyes out over, but i worked hard today, and all i wanted to do was have a little fun with my friends. i've had enough of everyone leaving me at home and saying that i'm a kid and treating me like one.
I hate myself and i want to die- kurt cobain.

tonight was fun. no, i didn't get to make out with anyone, but. smith and patterson came over today, and the story of today goes as follows:
(in army time) 1030 mom comes home and i think it will only be her and the kids, but no. two more kids were in the back with her. the MISSIONARIES. so they come in, but jordan has to go to a party at 1400. so i go upstairs, and talk with sunny for a bit, and then he says, "jules, i've got a plan. do you want to help me?" so i said sure. he takes me to the toy room, and we count tapes, and then, smith sets up an excel chart. we then take out a movie, write down the title, it's catagory, the rating, and it's producion company. then two o'clock showed up, so we took the whole fam. to the galleria. zack, smith, and i went ice skating, and jordan did too, while dad and patterson watched and margaret and mom went shopping. sunny is actually REALLY good at ice skating, and zack was too. i'm the only one who was bad at it. we went around and around and got yelled at a few times before we got off at like 1600. jordan stayed on while everyone went to johnny rockets. good stuff. then i really quickly ran up to the louis vuitton store and got a catalouge with all their bags and stuff. then we left for home, and did more organizing, we still have some more to do. margaret got all dressy dress for homecoming, and scott came over. i said some stupid stuff, margaret left, mom gave me the "don't say stupid things around other people" talk, and so yeah. that was my night.oh, and i called smith and talked to him for a bit. but since it is 2330, i have to go.
Jules

tonight i went to spirit night, i think for the last time. I went to a friends house before hand, and she blowdried and straightened my hair. it is so straight and shiney! i then got dressed, and we left. oh, and i/mostly my friends put a little bit of eyeliner on. nothing big. anyway, not much happened. i fell on the spikey grass, and it really hurt. then i called william, because he was "sick". no, no. he was not sick. he was HIDING IN HIS ROOM AVOIDING US. and we KNEW it. his mom had to tell us to stop calling. we then got nacho's and coke and looked around at people. and talked, and said things in spanish. actually, antointette said phrases like "you are a pimple" in spanish, and i would respond after her and point to the person saying, "si!" it was fun, and we now have more inside jokes then ever before.
i missed patterson's birthday party, and i feel bad about it even though everyone says that i shouldn't this also screwed up my "seeing smith and patterson for 30- days in a row" thing. great. i SCREWED IT UP! anyway, i feel pretty tonight. i wish i could download some pictures of me, but i can't find the thingy. anyway, i'm going to watch a movie on cleopatra, and study all of the ancient egyptian ways we have learned.
Jules
thanks mary, it did help.

i hate days like this. i had fun at school, surrounded by people i like, and i talk to. but when i get home, it's a totally different story. Mom, Smith, and Patterson were watching the last few minutes of rush hour, so i watch it with them. then, my mom gets in one of those moods that i hate. margaret is in her room doing homework, and mom catches me, and gives me thing after thing to do, without a break. when i ask for one, and sit down, she would say something totally embaressing about me. i hate that so much, especially because she has no problem saying anything about me, so she had no trouble talking about how i won't wear "these shorts because they won't let my "cheeks" hang out of them" or how she can see "my budding breasts" the phrase that i despise of the most in the world. UGH!
so i'm doing this work, and her attitude is making me more and more fowl, and i just want to scream. during all of this, margaret is doing her homework and smith is in the shower, while the kids run around. smith leaves, and so i get cornered into going to the park. yipee hooray! so i play basket ball with patterson, which wasn't bad at all, but we get home. and i go get ice cream with dad, jordan, zack, and patterson, while margaret does homework. then, we get back, smith returns from his appointment, they watch a video, and low and behold, margaret just doesn't have anymore work to do all of a sudden! how does that happen? so margaret leaves to see some dj and mom makes me work again, and lets everyone see the worst of me. because i am definatly NOT nice when i'm working while mom is in one of those moods. so. thats my night.
i still have math to do, but i don't want to do it. i don't want to go to school tommorow.
Jules
-so... your saying there's a chance...

today i was depressed again. what is my deal? mom, margaret, me, jordan, zack, smith, and patterson went to CPK-- California pizza kitchen. anyway, smith bought us all dinner, which i thought was very nice, and have to remind myself to thank him. anyway, i didn't talk all dinner, and was very quiet, and i had no clue why, and i'm sure that i puzzled and vexed everyone at that table, with my fireworks of different emotions. anyway, we order dessert and i get a brownie hot fudge sundae, and of course i get fudge all over my face since i cannot eat ice cream, or any dessert for that matter, without getting it on my face. so mom goes, "julia, you have hot fudge all over your face." and i get so sick of hearing that, so i said, "fine, lick it off for me then." woops. all of a sudden, the whole table rushes towards me, and my mother gives me this huge, slobbery kiss thing, in order to take the hot fudge of. when i think its all over, and i'm looking at the lights above me, i see smiths head pop into view, and he licks my forehead. i swear, everyone has licked my face... seriously (note to all you, i AM sarcastic.) anyway, we leave and i see margaret and i lean on her and say, "see margaret? i just want to be cuddled, thats all." and once again, a crowd of people rush over and hug me. i appriciated that, because i love hugs ever so. anyway, we're all hyper after that (by the way, before all this happened, dad had come, eaten, and taken the kids home) and margaret says i can have the front. so i get in, still laughing my head off about this huge hug my mom gave me, and i said, " i love it" so mom goes, "oh julia, you are so funny! let me give you a hug!" in this high voice, and smith goes, "no even better," then he comes over to sit on my lap and goes, "let me go on your lap. i just want a hug, give me a hug julia!" and he wrapped his arms around my neck like a baby. i was laughing so hard, it was hilarious to me. anyway, we leave and my mom keeps on saying that everything i say is so funny so, "let me give you a hug!". then we turned on eminem and got home, and i did homework and wrote this blog, and today antoinette gave me nice capizio shoes (or whoever) and i love them so much, and it was fun today. but my mom won't let me go to spirit night this friday, and this is seriously the last one i need to go to, because i promised anto. that i would meet someone there. anyway, i'd better go, but i just wanted to get all my hype out, because today was so much fun after that whole depression thing.
Jules