i'm also sick of being happier at school than at home. and i know that i have already stated this, but, hey what the heck, its really fedding me up. i have play practice that is way intense this week, i want to scream but i can't. i want the world to dissolve away for just a little bit, and let me run around and do whatever i want without a stare, or without a look of confusment. i just want to be me, but i feel like i'm constrained in a straight jacket at home. at school i have so much fun with my friends. we work together, we talk, we walk, we shop, and do all that fun stuff. i get home. the missionaries are there, and i'm sick of wanting to be smiths best friend, i'm sick of competing with margaret, i'm sick of late nights, i'm sick of crying, i'm sick of missing mary, and i want to move to new york, just find some apartment, settle down and get a job, or something like that. i'm sick of this horrible weather, i'm sick of stupid people, i'm sick of all it. i just want to curl up in a ball and cry, but i don't have the time, because i've got a french and history test on wedensday, i have to get makeup for the play, bring fresh clothes for the play, clean my room, do my homework, go to all the play practices, write in my journal, take a shower, study for something else, and all those other stupid things that i have to do. i'm sick of not being me.