yeah it's been a while. summer is always slower on the updating side because i have 1000 times more of a life. i've hung out with antoinette a lot... watched some movies, lounged at her house, etc. i started watching the series desperate housewives (yeah, i know i'm like 8 years late on that bandwagon). a week ago antoinette and i went to see our friend katie-beth (now katharine) in the dallas theater company's production of CABARET. it was scandalous, of course, and full of drunk lushes, but the singers were quite good and they put on a good show. we got to talk to some survivors from the holocaust era, both around 90 years old or so. afterwards we got to go out for drinks and food and such with some of the cast, and then antoinette, kb, and i all went dancing and bar hopping and whatever else there is to do downtown like meeting a nice 32 year old real estate something or other who buys taco cabana for everyone. that kind of stuff. it was fun!
so now i'm down to the two week mark before i virtually move to new york and try and survive. to be honest, i'm kind of scared. the last big city i lived in was paris and i had a schedule every day, or at least a road map to my future. but my goals for new york are big ones, and i'm obviously very afraid of failure. my mom has expressed many, many times her fear of me dying an early death. as a redhead i basically have every recessive gene from both my parents so any recessive diseases or whatever, I GET. sometimes i just feel like a bag of diseases walking around you know, just waiting to implode, i swear i do.
anyway, in new york, i'm supposed to address all my shortcomings. i'm supposed to make significant life changes, i'm supposed to and want to piece together my sister's happiness again. i want to go on adventures and learn to jog and do yoga regularly. i want to become the social person i once was and regain my personality because sometimes i really do look in the mirror and just don't recognize myself anymore. it's weird how depression can affect you. and how in denial you can be about a significant disease. and how many people don't believe it exists.
i've had so much fun being home. i've been able to hang out with jordan and zach, run errands for my mom (and hopefully lighten her load a little bit). i've gotten to hang out with friends and even got to go to  hawaii, and i've had such a good time. but i'm not sure what i'm even doing with my life anymore. i've just been coasting for sooooo long. next semester, this fall semester, is going to be suuuuch a bummer. MORNING is leaving me, and everyone i know is going on a mission or getting married, seriously, or graduating from college, or whatever but what i'm trying to say is i'm not looking forward to this fall but i want to and that's what's important.
i'll upload photos later. the computer is being dumb.
i'm afraid i'll miss my mom and dad and brother and sister greatly. i know i'll be with another sibling, and that it will be fun, but what can i say. i'm the most spontaneous routined person with excessive creature comforts.