First Snow of the Season!

Well, its pretty much the last week in October. Time has gone by so fast. It's crazy where my mindset is now when compared to the beginning of the school year. I think I'm in a much better place.
This semester for me has been full of a lot of personal trials. Some of them were physical (all my hospital visits and the painful medications, etc.) and many of them were personal. Are personal. Family things and friend things and heartbreak and the like.
I've come out if it much stronger though. It's true that trials are good for you. It makes me closer to the Lord. And I'm really happy that I've learned the lessons that I have. And a lot of really great things have come out of this semester. Like my insanely lovable roommates. How close I've gotten to Melinda. Finding lots of opportunities to serve. Growing closer to old friends.
My goal for the next few days is to really feel the Halloween spirit. I'm going to dress up. I'm going to put on scary movies. I'm going to build a fort to watch said scary movies in. I'm going to carve a pumpkin. Bake halloweeny things. And I think the most important thing for all of this is being carefree. Because as a child during holidays, you got to focus simply on the spirit of being. You didn't worry about schoolwork and bills, relationships, etc. You were allowed to simply basque in the beauty of the season. And that's what I plan on doing. I plan on being with friends and making the most of it. And taking pictures, too.
The past few days have been fun. I've gotten to hang out a lot more with my friend Cait. She's married to Nate and the two of them together are so good and loving and just great. Cait and I got lunch at Einstein's a few days ago. And then yesterday we went to lunch again with our friend Jacob K. Jacob K. has figured out what he wants to do with his life and is very passionate and excited to go through with it. Later, yesterday night, three of my friends were presenting something at the business school. Me and their roommate Ben were there to support. It was fun to watch. They didn't make the final rounds by the time Cait and Jacob M. showed up, so we all went to celebrate anyway.
It was a great moment in time. We went to Blackjack's to get a pizza and it started snowing super hard. We all chatted and laughed as we waited for the pizza and then ran back to the car in the snow. We went upstairs and shared pizza and conversation and after a while Cait and I left. But not before running back inside and throwing snowballs at them. Their faces were priceless. Totally worth it.
So yes.

Chick-fil-a Chicken biscuit. One of the best things God has blessed this earth with.

That's about all thats on my mind grapes. I watched Glee's Rocky Horror Picture show. That show is getting a bit racy, not gonna lie. Also been watching 30 Rock. Brilliant as always. Liz Lemon is my sister Mary, no question about it.
So YES! It has snowed for the first time in Utah Valley for the winter season. The leaves are changing and beautiful. The morning air hits you when you open the door, but its ok because the mountains look like someone dusted them with confectioner's sugar overnight and it is a beautiful sight indeed.

Last Week.

I can't believe I survived it, but I did!!!! The car thing was a nightmare. The lightbulb for the Prius are crazy expensive and crazy difficult to put in. So that whole situation was a nightmare. And was very pricey. But it's done and that's what matters.
I did really poorly on a midterm right before leaving for Vegas. So basically when the time came around I was super stressed out and ready to get out of Provo.
My friend Kristian came along with me. We made a pact to pretty much not discuss most of what happened in Vegas. But i CAN say she flew a guy in from LA and i may or may not have danced on tables. It was really fun. It was insanely surreal to see Antoinette walking out of the Stratosphere Hotel to meet me on the street. She smelled like home. It was so good.
She and I went to the airport and dropped Kristian off. Then we drove around and caught up. I was just so content being there. We went out and wandered around for a while. We danced at Studio 54 in the MGM, which had a lot of creepers in it. The DJ was great fun, though, so it was nice just dancing with Antoinette. But the creepers. Oh the creepers...
I also got to hit up H&M which I've missed so much. We got into the TAO Beach Club above the Venetian for free. And we got into Haze at the Aria for FREE (40 dollar value whaaat). Antoinette gambled in the MGM and i watched and told her what plays to make. Oh and i bet 1.00 on the slot machines and lost. Oh well, what can you do.
The next morning Kristian and I drove back. It was a stressful drive because it was raining a lot and my mom and dad were leaving for Paris that day. Also stressful because i realized I would have no access to money with them gone and I'm kind of broke. Anyway, as soon as I got back I dropped Kristian off, grabbed a new shirt, picked up a bunch of people and drove up to SLC for the Jonsi concert.
A moment of silence for this incredible moment.
It was unbelievable. A literal life changing concert and I am not saying the term lightly. I was transfixed the entire time. If you have the ability to see the show... Go do! (Jonsi reference, ndb).
Anyway, I was pretty much dead tired by the end of it all. Melinda and I got food and then went our separate ways.
The next day I had work in the early morning. I was so tired, I really just wanted to call in sick. Because I felt sick. But I rolled out of bed anyway and drove to the lot and walked a ways. It was raining out and I was listening to Jonsi's album. The clouds were hanging low over the mountains and the rain had made the bark of the trees black, so the yellow of the leaves was really quite striking. It was such a perfect moment. I wanted to walk in the cold and wind for eternity listening to that music.

SCHOOL.

is kicking my butt.
if i can get all the thousands and thousands of things i need to done tomorrow... i'll be leaving around 430 for vegas with my friend kristian. sound nice? yes.
antoinette will be there. how can i not be excited?
jacob m. tried to help me fix my car today. it was way good and everything until we realized we lost the cable that connected it to the car. so i need to go to the dealership in the morning. AGAIN.
i'm so sick of that place. also, really sick of spending money i don't have.
also.
i should be in vegas right now.

free snowflakes, 25 cent toys.

I am exhausted.
Listen.
The tow truck man is now two days behind when he said he'd be here. if i have to hear from him again, i will die. Ok, not really, but i will be really annoyed. because this has been going on for a really long time and i just want my sister's car shipped out of here and gone.
Due to a series of escalating events, I got more and more frustrated until, by the time i picked rebekah up to wait for tow truck man (Greg) ((before he called and said he wasn't coming)), i was fuming. I just went off about how angry I was about everything and how mad i was at everyone. Then we get to the car, and we sit and wait and are trying to move the car. Then we hear this tiny voice from across the street.
"Free snowflakes! 25 cent toys!" over and over and over. After about ten minutes of this, Rebekah is like, "we gotta go check this out." So i bring 30 cents with me and purchase a ring from her. I will post it later. We sat down and got to talking. Her name was Bella and she had a lot to talk about. It was way funny, and she was really cute. Her parents were just a couple of cool, chill people. As I learned from her, her dad was 31 and her mom was 29. It felt weird to be so close in age to parents of 8 year olds.
Anyway, eventually everything was sorted out. Rebekah and I got starbucks and talked about things, we watched "Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging," and then Jacob M., Justin, Melinda, Rebekah, and I all moved margaret's car to make it easier for tow truck guy to charge it.
i really hope he can get it to work and everything.
Tomorrow is J-lunch, but Rebekah is coming along, too. Also, it's just me, Morty, and her. Justin wanted it to be more inclusive. That's Justin for you.
also, it's 1236 in the morning and I still haven't written my paper for sociology. WOOPS. It's due at 930 in the morning. Granted, its only one page... it still has to be a very specific format and it has to be smart. Which mine won't be. Because i'll be doing it in the morning. BLARG.
Here are some photos so this isn't boring:

This is a still from "Le Dernier Neandrethal."

three words: Murder, She Wrote.

changed my profile picture on facebook. its not modest, but sometimes you just have to do that sometimes.
today was an emotional day, and i've kind of felt like crying. i described it to jacob and melinda as "sadness mixed with daydreams." i feel whirled up in a lot of emotions.
i've been thinking a lot about celebrating things like halloween and thanksgiving as a kid. when i was younger, there was so much excitement in the air when holidays came around. the days seemed to creep by as i waited anxiously for the day i could dress up or run downstairs for presents. I don't know when it changed, but it did. I mean, they happen, i'm happy to be with friends and family again, but i don't harbour those feelings of excitement. Which i think is just a shame.
So i'm trying my best to find that excitement again. I want to decorate the house so that there's a holiday spirit, and instead of a lame party or something i want there to be a fun event with friends, i want there to be scary movies and candy, cookies, meals full of warmth and seasonal vegetables. I want to take advantage of this time of year because its so beautiful and it's just going by.
i've also been re-reading some old posts, from around 2005 or so. it's like nothing has changed. I still hold the same feelings about wanting a boyfriend, but instead of a boyfriend now i want a husband. There has to be a reason that i've been rejected by so many guys. It's either my personality or my looks. And though sometimes i'm pretty cynical, i think i have an attractive enough personality. So that means it has to be my looks. Either that or someone REALLY REALLY incredible is on their way. i'm trying my best to be patient, but it's really hard. there's a lot of pressure here to get married because you know that there is a small window of time, and then you graduate and you're older, and the pickings become slim and then you have to settle. I don't want that to happen. i really don't.
i know i'm only 22! i know it sounds crazy! i'm not trying to get married before i turn 23 or anything, but i don't want to be 27 and still single, you know? it's a cultural thing. Sometimes Mormons sound crazy, we're not, we're just trying to be the best we can.
anyway. so those are some things on my mind. i miss europe so much. it's weird to think that for two years around this time i was around the world, traveling and learning and growing. and even though i'm here now, i know i still need to do all those things. I know i need to work on progressing. I can't just stop and expect it to happen again when cool things happen. It's sort of like this bad habit of mine where i think, well, good things will happen after this event occurs. like, "oh, i'll start learning that hobby after i marry someone," or something like that. but my life can't be put on pause, my progression and growth can't be put on pause, just because i'm in an unhappy situation.
my situation isn't even really that unhappy. i have an amazing apartment. i absolutely adore my roommates, we have so much fun together. i have great friends that are committed to me and help me out all the time. i am taking classes that interest me and i'm doing pretty well in them. my entire family is alive and in good health. i know i have plenty of things to be grateful for. i know its dumb of me.
i just feel like there's one area in my life that has consistently failed and i just don't know how to fix it exactly.
i'm going to dream of rainy streets, high heels, and red lipstick tonight. i'm going to dream of self control and pretty things.

All you need is drums to start a dance party.

Today was crazy. Melinda and I went to eat breakfast at ihop. which was way way fun. and delicious. then afterwards, i went home and got ready for work. I worked from 130 to 730 and then everyone was busy doing homework and this and that so i went to cafe rio and was stuck in traffic for about 45 minutes. 

So I got home and my roommate Carsey was really sad because a dumb guy (surprise surprise) was "not ready for a relationship." i don't understand why this keeps happening in people's lives, but it does.

Anyway, so I listened to her whilst munching on my cafe rio salad. I had kind of resigned to the fact that the night was going to be lame, because everyone had plans and i didn't seem to fit into any of them. so Carsey made mac n' cheese and we sat around the kitchen and things just kind of crazy and before you know it, Heidi had coconuts as shoulder pads and we were dancing around the kitchen.

Then Jacob M. called and was all, "hi! i'm going to a party and you should come with me, and so should rebekah, and so should melinda." so he picked me up and we  got my friends. but i didn't really explain the situation better, because rebekah was sick and melinda had a lot of homework, and i forgot to mention it was a dance party.

wooooops.

so we got to this restaurant opening/dance party. The food was pretty much mediocre. I unfortunately don't think the restaurant will last very long. but the tuneskies were alright, and i always like getting my dance on. Jacob M. dancing is like modern poetry, so it's always a delight to witness that, too. There was a shocking lack of hip-hop songs, which was kind of a bummer. Cause i was really feeling "walk it out" tonight.

at midnight the party shut down and so we dropped rebekah off and then we went to wendy's and got shakes and then freaking parker stanley showed up (this guy haunts my life and i barely know him). then we dropped him off and then we dropped melinda off, and then i was dropped off.

it was a fun night. i don't think melinda or rebekah particularly liked the party, but i thought it was way fun. and lately jacob has been in a fun and playful mood, and that mood doesn't come around nearly enough, so i always really like hanging out with him during those times.

I miss jacob k. though, and justin, and i want to see them again soon. 

now i'm sleepy. i'm surprised i made it through that party because i had taken a pain killer right before it started. so i'm pretty much falling asleep over this computer.

good night. 

So Fly like a G6

The rainy weather continues! And i'm not even made about it. Yesterday on my way to class (which i apparently was an hour late for...) i got caught in a torrential downpour! It was awesome, even though it's more difficult with bangs to be spontaneous, as they get wavy and gross when wet. i don't think the rain helped my cold at all.
So, there's that. Today, continuing the tradition of J-lunch, Jacob K., Justin, and I all went to get burgers at 5 guys. They had never had a five guys burger before!!

The cajun fries are the best! Photo courtesy of http://lillifechangers.wordpress.com

It was way fun. Jacob K. is trying to teach himself french. I'm not totally fluent, but i'm very very comfortable in the language, so i help him out from time to time. Ok maybe i'm fluent, but i don't know crazy words like "marshmallow" and sometimes i forget works like "ceiling" or "carpet." But i love french, and it's fun to speak with him because he has a Portuguese accent. Justin is taking econ 110 right now, which i took my freshman year and DETESTED. however, i think if i took it now i'd actually do pretty well in it. It interests me more.
Also, seeing the two of them always brings me such intense joy. And that's how seeing someone should feel. I love it. Jacob K. was one of few people who mentioned my haircut. He's a good one. Justin is also incredible and probably the most christlike person i know.
In other news, Modern Family could be one of the best shows ever. I don't know why i find it so funny, maybe because the one dad reminds me so much of my own, or maybe it's the flamboyantly gay couple. who knows, but together it just brings me such joy. Also, there was a Murder, She Wrote reference in the season premiere, which of course sold me. I will now watch every episode this season.
I miss LOST.
Also saw Rebekah and Kristian today and then we stalked Melinda at work which is always so much fun.
Oh and yesterday was our friend Andres' birthday. Melinda, Rebekah, Daniel, and I grabbed him and went to Sammy's.

They will literally stick a piece of pie in and make a shake. they are called pie shakes, go figure. Sammy's has really good sweet potato fries and that's pretty much the only thing i've had there. but i can vouch for that. and the environment is way fun and super college-y. So we stayed around there until about 11 or 1130 and then afterwards melinda and i visited with andres at his home for a while. so i got home late and this cold is killing me and killing my ability to study and THAT is frustrating.
but even though i'm way behind, or at least i feel that way, my grades so far have been pretty good. so participation does count!!!
Anyway, that's all i can think of right now. I'm going to buy juice boxes at the grocery store. Because everything tastes better in a juice box.

I'm literally on my laptop at Barnes and Noble with a decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte in hand. I have never been more of a cliche in my life.
I am back in Utah. it's overcast and there is a hint of red and gold leaves on the mountains. I was hoping it would be a little more chill today, but i'll settle for the bit of rain we've gotten. It doesn't really rain here much, so when it does, it's pretty exciting.
My friend Evann and I went to eat at India Palace for lunch today. It was extra good but i got full way fast. I really need to work on slowing down. It's just so hard when it's so delicious....
I also need to work on diet and exercise. That's what the doctor told me. Even though my thyroid sucks and I'll be medicated for it accordingly, I can still try to lose weight. It will just be harder than it is for most people.
I get to go home again in about a month for more testing. Yipee hooray!
Last night was fun, I got to pick up Melinda and Rebekah and we hung out on my bed and did homework and laughed and laughed. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a movie or a catalogue when I'm with them. We're such an idealistic version of what friends should be. Always coming together when something goes wrong, doing each other's make-up, making fun of boys. The only thing that's off is that we're not in high school and we're not living with our parents. But otherwise, yeah, I'd say I pretty much love Rebekah and Melinda.
Well, I have class way late today and I have a lot of stuff to prepare for/ make up for because of my absence. Blah blah blah, school is hard and the dating scene sucks. The usual.

Wow this week has been absolutely insane. I tried to make up all the work i had missed when i was sick, and then i hopped on a plane and flew home. Where i was instantly met with lots of (emotional) stress from most of my family members. the next night mary got in. It was so wonderful seeing her, and i was having a super tough time. I just ran up to her at the airport and cried and cried and cried. Its so hard leaving sisters, it really is. She leaves tomorrow and that is difficult, too.
Today was our church's General Conference. The talks were great, but i only heard half of them because today was a day of great unrest and lots of fighting. Mom made us a waffle breakfast which was a pleasant surprise and also cooked us meatloaf (which i haven't had in so long) along with scalloped potatoes, biscuits, and some broccoli. It was a way good meal and we had some great cupcakes for dessert.
Now i am on a food fast for half a day until i get this (ANOTHER) insane blood test where they bleed you every 30 seconds and see how sugar is reacting in your body. or something like that.
In other news, i got my hair cut yesterday. I like it. I needed change but i couldn't dye it and i couldn't cut it short. Thus:

me with jordan

i got these puppies. it's growing on me. its different and a little bit of a nuisance but it also is kind of edgy and a great look for fall, so i'll take all those things.
Monday (tomorrow) i have that blood appointment and another appointment with this hematologist.  then on tuesday i have an appointment with an endocrinologist. wah :(
Oh and yesterday we went to Northpark and saw "Catfish." It's an extremely poignant documentary that kind of surprises you. I really loved it, the main guy was a doll and the way in unravels is really quite wonderful. Afterwards we watched ballet in the middle of the mall for a while and then went and did some shopping. I, however, did not buy anything. Oh wait, yes i did, I got an ipod. My bad.
For dinner my dad and i split Thai Mango (but we each got our own dessert sticky rice, durr) and the rest of the fam got taco bell as per mary's request.
Oh and i totally forgot about friday. Antoinette and I met up after a doctor's appointment of mine and we ate Mi Cocina (always a delight). Then we went and got our eyebrows threaded. Not as painful as i thought it would be, but getting hair ripped out of your body will always hurt to some degree. Afterwards we got some starbucks (which was a refreshing break and made me happy). After she left i took a nap on the couch and roschti perched herself on my chest and we fell asleep together. So happy.
Also yesterday for lunch we at Mico again. Ayyyyye.
Anyway, i'm here until tuesday night so we'll see what else happens while i'm here. I kind of miss my friends in Utah.