i'm back in dallas and its super super weird. especially because i won't be here the whole summer, which, now that i'm here, really bums be out. things with my little sister and brother are so much fun and i'll miss them when i have to go back to utah. but i did leave on a stressful note and definitely did not get to say goodbye to everyone that i wanted to. so it will be good to see everyone again. for some reason though, when i'm home i'm definitely more myself. i never really feel all together when i'm in college, but when i'm home, i feel cleaner, safer, more put together, happier. i am less in control of things, which is the one downside. but otherwise, i'd say generally, i'm happier here.
and i like the city much more. i respect big cities so much more after living in the worlds smallest city.
anyway, i'm driving my little sister to seminary (which means 545 wake up call) all week, so i'm off to bed.
let's see what this summer brings!
also, mary left today and i miss her terribly.

NERUDA

pablo neruda really knew what he was talking about...

Drunk as drunk on turpentine
From your open kisses,
Your wet body wedged
Between my wet body and the strake
Of our boat that is made of flowers,
Feasted, we guide it - our fingers
Like tallows adorned with yellow metal -
Over the sky's hot rim,
The day's last breath in our sails.

Pinned by the sun between solstice
And equinox, drowsy and tangled together
We drifted for months and woke
With the bitter taste of land on our lips,
Eyelids all sticky, and we longed for lime
And the sound of a rope
Lowering a bucket down its well. Then,
We came by night to the Fortunate Isles,
And lay like fish
Under the net of our kisses.

why do i love poems like this? why oh why. now i want to be lying on a beach with sand all over the place and the taste of lime on my lips... mmm.

i just wish finals were over. and i wish i knew what was going to happen in the next year.

i worked out yesterday with courtney and then again this morning. today we went to the weight room and then went to play basketball in the gym. it was pretty intense and i'm already feeling it, but i enjoyed it a lot. i'm really glad i met her. since it was so random... did i mention that? we just met in this aisle at the grocery store and she's changing my life forever. seriously. its the coolest thing in the world. i know god put her in my life. i'm totally serious.
so next week is finals week. i'm struggling with the knowledge that margaret won't be moving back here after she finishes up in france. its the weirdest thing. because she's been here the whole time i have. so i'm not sure how that's gonna work out. i'm worried it'll be pretty lonely.
other than that, mom comes out in one week! i'm so excited to see my family again. a lot of change is coming up, and i hope i can be ready for it. seriously.
the world is going to change.

alright, so here's the deal. my last official day of classes is tuesday. that tuesday, next week, i have a communications final. next monday i have a french final. am i ready for either? not really. then, i have a "reading week" where i can go to lectures to go over material and then the week after that, i can take my american heritage final and my marriage prep final. the last one i have to do is april 21st at 8am!!! its book of mormon, and will be slightly difficult. but once that is all done i am free free free!!! here are some exciting things:
margaret and john got their job in france!!! i am really excited for them but really bad about visualizing it. i am way jealous. they'll be in creteil, which is south-eastern of paris. its closer than my little village of le pecq, but not matter. i loved the commute into paris city center.
i am most likely slash almost definitely going to my friend nelly's wedding in hawaii!!! i'm so excited, she was such a fun roommate this semester and they're like, the cutest couple. i'd also get to see my cousin carolyn! which would be so exciting. along with her little children and my cousin maddi. i haven't seen any of them in so long, it'll be really nice.
margaret being in paris means, if i save up, i can visit her in paris!!!!!! which would be so so awesome!!!!!!!!!! slash a dream come true!!!!!!!!!!!!! i really hope something can happen... seriously.
i finally declared a major, but now its the hard part. applying. i'm not sure i can get into the program, and i'm not sure if i have too many credits. eeeeek!!!! i'm actually really worried about it. if i don' get in... i'm not sure what i'll major in. sigh. this is super stressful.