gone!

i mean, lost! at the crespos house, will be back wednesday
farewell

Ashun!

"just take care of yourself. will you do that for me? please? please be careful. just take care of yourself." -erica moon --> love of my LIFE

i love the care and kind words people send you when something mildly hazardous could maybe possibly hit you.
the traffic in dallas has gotten REDICULOUS. there were too many people here to begin with. now like, half of louisiana is here... and like. all of houston. it is FRICKIN REDICULOUS!!

with a 20% chance of smokin...

i'm so sick of seeing my legs in mirrors i could vomit. i'm bringing my running shoes with me while i'm in palmyra and i am going running. i don't care what crespo says, it will happen.

i am so sick of rejection i could just die. die die die. i mean. goshfreakingdangit if only i were skinnier and prettier maybe he would like me...
you know what i want? one of the coaches from like, the biggest loser, or something like that. because that way, they would push me. they would push me hard and get me to stop eating so much and life would just be better. SOMEONE SEND ME TO A FAT CAMP OMFGZ PLEASE.

Revert Back, back, back!!

ok so back to the first day of school... almost a month ago. TALK ABOUT GLAMOUR!!!



AND ALSO HILARIOUSNESS. we were a riot.



by the by, i found my camera. more pictures and more recent pictures to come.


huzzzaahhh.


LET'S MAKE THIS BLOG FAMOUS.

DON'T EVEN TRY IT

alright so...


I'm always curious to see which people decide to create their own blogs. It takes an unusual amount of self-absorption, loneliness and social retardation to assume that anyone would give two shits about your personal thoughts and reflections. For these reasons, I was not surprised to learn that Mary Jones has her own blog. In school, she would gallumph down the halls with the kind of physical awkardness and pre-teen 'look at me- i'm an individual' gusto that makes one cringe and desperately want to suggest that she take a nice long bath. Now when her name is mentioned, the usual characterizations are poured over until a flicker of recognition appears: "You know, the one that looks kind of like Weird Al Yankovic with shorter hair" or "that girl with the big teeth and the tortured soul routine". Oh yeah, her. That girl that pretends to be open-minded but isn't. That girl who thinks she has talent but doesn't. That Mary Jones. What a pathetic bitch.

this comment was left on my sisters mormon meat market live journal. IIII left a maybe really cruel comment back but seriously... you don't go accusing people in high school about how lame they are. this person remained ANONYMOUS by the way. i mean, everyone in highschool is mellodramatic and everyone is labeled as something and you know whoever posted that has issues. like, really. they can only point out faults that are accusatory and have flimsy support and making fun of someones looks is a major no no, i mean, in high school, lets admit, we were all dumb. i could name bad things about how everyone looks in high school RIGHT NOW, especially myself.
i really really really hope this girl gets hurt someway because man is she a JERK.

Lord Voldemort-- i mean... you know who...

ok so i'm listening to harry and the potters (my long love. man, i loved them to death in my HPFF obsession phase a year or two ago, and then i forgot and then i remembered about them again. with a bit of help from antoinette. w00t.) draco malfoy, what's your problem?
anyway, i'm mostly updating for the few people that read this blog and also i don't want to do my homework. and i mean. i really don't want to do this homework.
hey, mary's "friends," way to forget her birthday. minus like, all the cool points in existence for doing this. I AM DISAPPOINTED!! DISSAPOINTED!!! WHATEVER!!
i... can't find my camera. i'm assuming it's somewhere in my room, i just have no idea where in my room. also, i'm missing my favoritest earrings ever, the ones i got from england. i'm also missing my ring and necklace and a lot of other stuff too. i am not happy about all this missing stuff.
margaret and chad = ???
we'll see what happens.
we've got to save ginny weasley from the basilisk.
so... i divorced my other computer... gianni... and remarried my new computer, Marlon Brando. he works much better and is much more efficient. and actually does what i want him to. yaaayy!
french quiz tomorrow and some other stuff for english class. obviously my heart isn't really in the assignments or the classes. also, i've got biology last period and that shark is SERIOUSLY starting to smell. i'm going to try and figure out a way to open up a link for donations to julia in order to buy a new lomography camera. i just have no idea how i'd do it.
sigh. actually. i'm going to do the paypal thing right. now. jkzzzz. i'm going to get one in april. then... people can donate money for me so that i can actually have a wicked bad camera. and stuff. anyway.
there's that.

FIRE IN MY EYYYYYES

ZAYED KAHN. AND I. ARE GOING TO HAVE BEAUTIFUL BABIES TOGETHER.



OH MY GOSH. WANT MORE BOLLYWOOD PICTURES? ASK ALLIE. I MIGHT HAVE TO POST MORE I AM IN LOOOOVE.

SECHS

also, shahrukh khan, marry me.

WHAT WAS I THINKING???

i wrote this last night, because it was an assignment for english. i liked it last night, but i just read it, and it's JUNK. what on earth was i thinking? OMFGZ i'm going to get the worst grade ever, it doesn't even make sense when applied to the assingment! i am dumb, i am so dumb.

The old musty shirt stuck to her rib cage, the beads of sweat accumulated from two hours of strenuous physical activity serving as the uncomfortable adhesive between her aching body and the once soft cotton. The glaring sun poured through the filthy car window as a hand tapped in anxious impatience against the steering wheel. Forty minutes and traffic was over, the ivy covered house stretched across the insect and mud stained front window of the slightly oil diabetic mini-van. By the smell of the house she could tell that it would be another one of those babysitting days—the heat from the hairdryers, the clacking of the heels, a whisper for an earring, the aroma of cote d’azure perfume floating across the mirrored bathroom. They left and now it was just the children and her. Two beastly whiny things with gaps in their front teeth but more love and bravery pulsing through their veins than the ally fighters of World War II. Outside to play. It seemed that someone was crying, though all she heard were the wind-tossed trees . The rough cement scratched her bare legs as she watched the children run in circles, ants climbing up broken barked twigs. Sunlight filtered through the sinew branches of the old oak tree hugging her in the slowly dimming light of a late springs evening. Lazy dragonflies filtered in and out of the patio, their wings dangled like golden thread . The smell of newly cut grass and the humidity only premature summer could deliver allows the dreaming unexplored parts of her mind to suddenly be exposed.



AAAHHHHH

Avoidance

In order to avoid doing my optional math homework, i am going to rant about the current events of my life and household. plus, i like the clickity sound the keys on my laptop make.
first of all, my mom's court case was cleared. yeah!! no more angry fits or incredible stress on my mom! her life should now be much much better. second order of business, mary is at bonnie's house right now, watching the first patriots game or whatever. anyway, the point is, tomorrow will be the first spirit night aka the first dance of the year. i don't want to sound like my angry bratty early teenage 2002 self, however, i would really really like to go to this dance. i love dancing, i love the night, i love being with my friends. and because my car is so die-worthy, i'd need a ride there and back. but it would be too late for my friends to drive me back home, so i'd have to sleepover. not a problem for me, a problem for mary. i am positive that she will not be for this at all because apparently there is a lot of stuff that must be done saturday morning and i can just feel the fact that she will say no. but i really really really wanted to sleepover because i wanted to see the exorcism of emily rose with antoinette saturday morning and then go home to hang out with the family for the rest of the weekend. however, things never go as i would like them to, because that's jus the way things are. therefore all i can do is hope that everything will work out.
in other news, i electric fenced this boy today and he cut me SO HARD that i have lines on my arms from where he hit me. ouch.

blaheang

sanity still intact but only just. it's junior year i believe that speaks for itself. antoinette has strepp throat. i only pray my parents will let me go to spirit night this friday... dancing occurs afterwords. not so sure about how they'll feel about it. we'll see. not pushing anything. tired. need more sleep. fencing exaughsting. gross. sweat. want to be not in school. worrying so much about people in my family or friends of mine dying that i think i need some sort of medication cause i am getting myself seriously depressed about all this
stuff.
julia.

Answer is No

so school has started. wass was pretty much correct that this is the year that we go to war. we pack our bags, kiss our family good-bye and venture off. sometimes, we call for some cookies or a snack, but other than that, it is our work and we are alone. which i might have to agree with. there isn't much time left for me to think about the simple things and complex things in life. i can't write in my journals, i don't know how i will keep up with my scripture reading, and how i am supposed to cram in fencing, homework, showers, AND a life, i don't know. seminary, mind you, is exaughsting. i am left to a maximum of six hours of sleep a night, which my body is NOT appreciating. this morning i drooled toothpaste while i was trying to brush my teeth half asleep. as for now, it's eleven fifteen and i still have to take a shower. i can't even get into how classes or going or how i'm feeling because i'm so overwhelmed. and of course, it's not just classes that are causing me stress and pain, we have money problems and i just found out that my young newly married cousin has a rare form of lung cancer and will die soon. all of this combined with the fact that i have seasonal depression means that this winter will probably not be the happiest.
so what it gets down to is that i don't want my cousin to die.
i want to walk around oxford with erica again.
i want to eat at bella italia with chloe again.
i need to talk to katie and no one else.
all i want to do is drink water. food does not sound appealing.
i am becoming obsessed with working out and how fat i am.
i wish i were back in those days.
i am in a real donnie darko mood right now and i'm stuck on repeat for probably the next five years.
i wake up afraid everyday that someone i love will die.
i have never held a boys hand.
the older i get the more scared i grow.