I Can't Believe It

It has been one flipping month. i can't believe i have taken so long to post. i feel so mean and unfaithful. i'm sorry dear readers.
what has been going on? what new rants do i have? complex ones. things i don't want to get into. but some things i will, and probablly will say things that i don't mean but are there because it's what i thought at the time and it was how i felt.
so like, my parents are trying to stick me on effexor again. why, i don't know. i haven't shown signs of depression at all lately and yet they're still doing this. i don't want to take it. i know for a fact that i don't need it. i was in an awkward phase from october through january yes. am i still like that no.
also, spring break is over. i has a surprisingly good time and it was pretty surrealistic. not idealistic surrealistic, just kind of... yeah. i feel bad because i was kind of angry at school today. it might be justified anger, i don't know. i was just sick of hearing katie bringing up her stupid dream vacation with my friends and it was just grating my nerves after i heard about the "spring break o five" shirt for the fourth time that day. and hearing about meeting royalty. and hearing inside jokes that i wasn't a part of. i don't mind some of that, but it's overwhelming and kind of heartless when you know that you are in front of someone who has clearly stated their depressed ideas on the matter. also, me mentioning not being able to go once during lunch and hearing katie start singing "cry me a river," wasn't cool either. that was kind of cruel and a little lot like sixth grade.
what else what else. oh what graves will i be digging myself tonight.
i found some beat up paper today with this faded writing in pencil that said something along the lines of, "i'm going down the suicidal highway, trying to change lanes. i glance over and i don't see anyone there. it isn't until after the breaking glass and smashed metal that i realize i was wrong." i thought it was kind of odd but kind of beautiful too.
err... my love for chelsea l. is most definately growing. same goes for cathy and laura and meredith and sam and jonathon and and oh many other people.
i'm kind of sick of my parents poking jokes at me about my weight. it's mostly just my mom but i don't like hearing about it. i've started working out but i wish she would stop it. she keeps saying stuff like, "what is that hanging over your skirt?" and junk. it's stuff like that which makes me upset, you know?
school has only just started after spring break. i'm a bit shell shocked. i'm very lonely. i'm very awkward. very intimidated. very self concious. a bit tired. very fed up. very aggitated. a bit stressed. a little bored. a little little bit guilty. very worried. very much hurting emotionally. kind of physically. spiritually isn't your business anyway, but that's cool i guess. gramatically i suck though.