well, other then the fact that the other day was the worst day in the history of my school existance, and seeing as i'm more disappointed with myself then ever, and seeing as i don't fit into the family again, etc. etc. etc. is just more reason for me to further the schism and fall into the nice little hole i've created for myself. yeah that's right, i mentally and emotionally live in a ditch.
so, margaret came home today. she looks so pretty and happy and skinny and tiny as heck. she said i'm totally different and laughed because she thought it was funny that i said i would never turn out the way i have, but all this flack she's giving me for it is just bringing me further into depression about how i don't quite fit in. so anyway, i went through my blog to see what she's missed out on, and about late october is when i started beginning to wear a lot of bracelets and drew random X's on my hand, probably thinking it was cool to look like i had just come back from a concert or something. then in november, at the beginning was the brown-dark eyeliner, and then late november was the black eyeliner, and then the very angry music started and then my clothing style totally changed and my attitude changed and my grades changed and my interests changed. i must seem like a totally different person to her. i mean, i have changed a TON since september. it'd be weird to come back to, but i wouldn't bring an angsty depressed semi wishes she could be suicidal teen but not really cause that would suck child into an angry state.
listening to NIN today
i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
i wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way
obviously i'm not a happy camper. you're sympathy and sweet words are not wanted so don't start being all cute with me. i'm fiesty and full of anger. rar.
5 comments:
Don't worry, you were a depressed, eyelined, brace-let wearing, angry, angsty, teen drama-queen when I met you, so you haven't changed in my eyes. Chin up, kiddo, no one has stopped liking you.
since ive known you, you have changed so very much. im not sure which julia i like better... the punk/emo/goth julia or the happy/semi-but-not-really-preppy julia. whatever you get yourself into ill always be there for you. i may not like some of your decisions but i will always love you because you have always given me that much. dont get so dark that you cant find the light. I love you, hang tough.
I have to say it...I'm glad someone told Ms Keane. I'm really starting to worry about you.
yeah, so, i won't be posting for a bit because i'm sick of the sad looks and weird glances i'm getting from people and i'm tired of how everyone around me is reacting because of this stupid stupid event or whatever so cheers to you all and i'll be around when i feel like i should be.
I call being satanic! And also I just realized I spelled Ms Keen's name like the band keane...my mistake.
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